Posts tagged ‘wife and husband conflict’

August 6, 2008

A wife responds to post from a the “other woman”….

by Rod Smith

“I feel compelled to respond to your letter from the ‘other woman’ in a relationship with a married man.

“My husband conducted a two-year extra-marital affair after many years of marriage. We survived the shocking discovery of my husband’s infidelity, but trust and respect, once broken, are difficult things to re-build. Understanding why a husband strays from a happy and long-standing marriage is totally impossible.

“Why did your reader end the three previous relationships that ‘were headed nowhere’? She says that there was no talk of marriage yet reveals total disrespect for marriage by her actions. Why is she now conducting an illicit affair expecting nothing? Perhaps she needs to carefully consider her apparent fear of long-term commitment and the motives of both parties.

“She needs to consider the damage that she and the married man are doing, not only to themselves but to his wife and family. She selfishly asserts that he is attentive and good to her, yet tacitly accepts that he is a cheat who, by his liaison with her, desecrates what should be the most important relationship in his life. My advice to your reader is to get out of this affair now, before hearts are broken by discovery and disclosure, and seek the counseling that she obviously needs.”

March 9, 2008

Husband says I talk too much….

by Rod Smith

“It seems my husband dislikes it when I talk. He says I want to be the boss of the home. I don’t believe this is true as all I want is just a good family life, like most families. We are married for 26 years and I can count the number of times we had a good conversation. He does not listen to my conversations. I’ve stopped talking to him for two weeks. This seems to work as I’m happier now. When we do talk its not for long, as then he says I’m talking too much. What is your response? I would appreciate your comment.”

Nothing you do (or I say) is going to (a) turn your husband into an active-listening, engaged, and supportive conversationalist, or (b) modify your words, message, or the sound of your voice into something he welcomes. This does not mean you ought to stop talking!

You might want to consider communicating only bare essentials with your spouse and accumulate other outlets (clubs, church, neighbors) for everything else you want to express. In the event others begin to send you a message similar to that of your husband, then it is you and not your husband who is in need of enhanced training in the subtleties of communication.

February 17, 2008

Are you listening to what he / she is saying…..?

by Rod Smith

If you can hear the voice of a spouse of lover saying any of the following 10 points to you, I’d suggest your relationship could use some renewal.

Don’t say you love me and then…

  • Disregard (write off, refuse to consider) what I say, think, and feel.
  • Demand from me, or try to manipulate me into, sexual acts I do not want.
  • Offer me less times and energy than you give to your most casual acquaintances.
  • Refuse to initiate or participate in respectful and helpful conversations.
  • Avoid initiating mutual, regular physical, mutually desired, intimacy.
  • Hold grudges for years, bring up old issues time again, and hit me with things I thought were long forgiven and forgotten between us.
  • Abandon me (physically or emotionally) with the responsibility of rearing our children under the guise of supporting the family. I need you to support the family AND help with the children – this is what adults, who are parents, do.
  • Blind-side me with the unexpected: unpaid debts, hidden activities, unusual expenditures, and secret, inappropriate liaisons.
  • Avoid “alone” time with me.
  • Belittle me in any manner, let alone in front of our family and friends.