Husband says I talk too much….

by Rod Smith

“It seems my husband dislikes it when I talk. He says I want to be the boss of the home. I don’t believe this is true as all I want is just a good family life, like most families. We are married for 26 years and I can count the number of times we had a good conversation. He does not listen to my conversations. I’ve stopped talking to him for two weeks. This seems to work as I’m happier now. When we do talk its not for long, as then he says I’m talking too much. What is your response? I would appreciate your comment.”

Nothing you do (or I say) is going to (a) turn your husband into an active-listening, engaged, and supportive conversationalist, or (b) modify your words, message, or the sound of your voice into something he welcomes. This does not mean you ought to stop talking!

You might want to consider communicating only bare essentials with your spouse and accumulate other outlets (clubs, church, neighbors) for everything else you want to express. In the event others begin to send you a message similar to that of your husband, then it is you and not your husband who is in need of enhanced training in the subtleties of communication.

7 Comments to “Husband says I talk too much….”

  1. Sounds like this has been going on for 26 years. I don’t see why you would expect to have him change at this point. You can squeeze and orange and get lemon juice. As Rod suggested, find other outlets for your conversational needs.

  2. You sound a lot like my mother… You dismiss the reason he gave you (you are bossy) by explaining that you only want what “most” want. I bet you are looking for some support / vindication that he is wrong and you are right and he should listen to you. Ask yourself: Do you really want a conversation, or do you want him just to listen to you? Do you take every opportunity to turn conversation to focus on yourself and the things you want to say? Are you just waiting for your turn to talk? Regarding him, do you only complain and nag and try to make everything go your way (after all, your way is best, right?) ? I think in reality maybe he is just tired of your being bossy, and he said so, but maybe you can’t face it.

    Some realistic and objective self analysis might be in order for you. If you find yourself getting angry about this post, think about whether that is a defensive response.

    This book is good for more than just first impressions:
    http://www.amazon.com/First-Impressions-What-About-Others/dp/0553803204

    Good Luck

  3. Having an open line for communication is good for a healthy relationship. But if one partner can express their thoughts in shorter conversations which the other would prefer, then I believe there would be harmony in the relationship.

  4. Like seriously, we are both supposed to love person both of us are…. One likes chatting and sharing, chat and share other like purposeful conversation… Say what u need to… Yours
    difference attracted once, remind each other respect that. Everyone has different needs, never let anyone tell you that u need to adapt… Be tru e to each other, while respecting, don’t feel guilty for being you or try to change who u are, u cannot. Be happy & let ur love be happy too!

  5. I wish you were my wife. My wife is like your husband. They should be together as two log bumps, and you and I should be together as a couple engaged in planning, organizing, and good, deep, prolonged, meaningful conversations.

  6. F – Thanks for your reassuring comments. They helped reassure me after facing a similar but smaller problem as the letter writer above.
    -K

  7. My hubby works 3rd shift. We don’t get to spend a lot of time together. I actively listen & ask questions about his job, things that interest him, etc. But he rolls his eyes, throws his head back, when I speak more than a brief comment. I understand now why he can spend 1/2 an hr w/a neighbor, the landlord, whoever, but cannot tell what they had to say. Upon observation its because he only talks about himself. Interrupts people to “one up” their story (i.e., “but listen to this…”). Its embarrassing. QUESTION: should I treat him the same way? Ignore him or roll my eyes, etc? I’m thinking ” no” because I don’t want to be like him. Just sems unfair.

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