Posts tagged ‘unmarried’

November 20, 2007

Our brother (almost 60) has ADHD….

by Rod Smith

“Our brother (almost 60) is the youngest of four siblings has ADHD. He treats his family like dirt but his friends with respect. Even our mother (in her eighties) does not get his respect or attention. He confesses undying love for her then ignores her. He will lend money to all his friends but not his family. Hides behind the ADHD label and blames it all on this. He wants us to do right by him but never ever does the correct thing with us. If mother or a sister is in the hospital he does not visit. Family is always pushed aside to make way for wonderful friends. He will not see psychiatrist or get help. What can we do? We still love him but he is always right and we are wrong no matter what. His wife supports everything he does. How should we respond? We know he can never change. Please help us. My mom is devastated.” (Letter edited)

This is probably a character issue, and not a matter of your brother’s diagnosis. I hereby give you permission to relinquish your role as your brother’s change agent, and the family’s scum-half, or quaterback (depending on where you are reading this!). Give it up. Let your mother and siblings deal directly with him. Get out of the way! Playing “piggy in the middle” is never much fun for piggy.

November 5, 2007

Sleeping arrangements when brother visits with his girlfriend…

by Rod Smith

“I don’t know what to do. My brother (25) and his girlfriend (24) are coming to stay for a few days. They live together (and are not married). My children (boys who are 6 and 7) know they are not married and I don’t know if I should let my brother and his girlfriend stay in the same room. We are Christians and do not support living together and I am not sure what kind of message this will send to my children.” (Shortened)

If you judge your brother your attitude toward him will send your children a stronger, more memorable and negative message than any memory each boy might retain of an uncle’s sleeping arrangements.

I’d suggest you fall on your knees and thank God you have a brother who wants to visit your home, and allow your adult brother and his adult girlfriend to decide where they’d like to sleep – even when visiting your home.

Your children are likely to remember how you love their uncle more than they will remember where anyone slept!