Posts tagged ‘step mom’

September 12, 2008

Disciplining children of a significant-other…..

by Rod Smith

You have frequently written that live-in boyfriends or girlfriends or even step-parents, ought to avoid disciplining the children of a significant other. I have never really believed you as it seems counter-cultural to think that one adult be left with the load of guiding and disciplining children when there is another in the house who may be able to help. Please clarify. (Question “lifted” from tone of a longer letter).

A blended family will tend to work better when respect or deference is given to primary and longer-standing relationships.

When an adult moves in with a mother or father who is already parenting children, and begins to exercise authority, while this might be a welcome relief and a great help to all involved, it is a disturbance (small or large) of a deeper and more fundamental invisible loyalty.

Someone in the original relationship will begin to resist the intrusion even if the intrusion is helpful and benign. This is one of many reasons even good and kind stepparents are often rejected.

[Of course, this is not the “whole truth” or even meant to suggest there are not many factors and variables that influence such relationships — it is merely one, partial view.]