Posts tagged ‘healthy people’

March 2, 2008

Couple survives affair…

by Rod Smith

“An affair usually brings about massive hurt and pain to both spouses. I had an affair when my marriage was floundering. She switched my lights back on. I felt alive. Then the reality sunk in. We were both married. This was wrong. Whilst I was ready to leave my wife for this person, and a new, happier life, I remembered also that I’d made a vow. My wife told me that she loved me though she felt hurt and angry. This brought me misery and confusion. I knew that I had no option but to do something about my marriage. We struggled for a while, and then attended the Retrouvaille Marriage Program. I cut off all contact with my girlfriend because there was no choice if I was going to put my values above self-interest. I had done wrong and had to accept responsibility. I learnt that Love is a Decision and not a feeling. I decided to love. It meant having to help my wife deal with her pain by affirming her, letting her talk about her feelings. I learnt how to trust her with my feelings and accept hers without becoming defensive. Our love today shines brighter than it ever did, including when we were just married.” (Edited to 200 words)

December 26, 2007

Try (also) liking the people you love….

by Rod Smith

Sometimes liking (enjoying, being pleased to see) someone is even more powerful than loving someone. I’ve met a few men and women who, in trying to sound magnanimous or even holy who have declared: “I really love my son (or my husband, daughter, in-laws, pastor) but I just don’t like him (her, them) right now.”

Great! Thanks. What does one do when one is on the receiving end of such a “compliment”?

If you do not like a particular person whom you also confess to love, I’d suggest you have some homework to complete.

What is it about you that you cannot reconcile these two distinctly different responses (love and dislike) within you, when it comes to the very same person?

Of course, I understand that people whom we love can and will do some detestable things and sometimes must be censured for their objectionable behavior. But is confessed dislike the helpful response?

My challenge is, and I direct it as much to myself as I do to readers: work on yourself to the place where you like and also love the very same people.