Posts tagged ‘conflict’

January 18, 2009

Broad sweeps from an imaginary couple…

by Rod Smith

Order through link on the right

Order through link on the right

An imaginary couple addresses recent reader matters:

“She dresses for herself, not me. She wears what makes her comfortable. My happiness, contentment, and comfort levels are not so fragile that her clothes disturb my peace of mind,” he said.

“We both, almost equally, initiate sex. We talk about it very openly. We talk about sex whenever it is necessary, and we talk while we engaged in sex. Each of us can freely express exactly what we each need,” she said about their sex life.

“Body language is, of course, important, but the spoken word is more precise and less open to misinterpretation. Talk is primary. We don’t expect to look into each other’s heads and hearts or to decipher body language in order to communicate. When I think her non-verbal messages contradict her spoken words I ask for greater clarity. She does the same when my words and my actions are incongruent,” he said about “communication” issues.

“We both brought unfinished business into this relationship. We’ve both been hurt, treated unfairly, used – and we’ve done the same to others. Our task is to not visit this relationship with former conflicts. Of course it’s difficult,” she said.

“But when was love easy?” they asked in unison.

October 23, 2007

by Rod Smith

“My husband and my parents just do not get along. They seem to be fighting about everything and anything. My husband says he’s not at fault and my parents say they are not at fault. But I feel trapped in the middle. How do I deal with both without hurting or betraying the other.”

Get out of the middle. Leave the room when their conflicts surface. Laugh uproariously at their childish ways. Find the humor in their absurd inability to co-exist as adults.

But, do not carry messages between the “warring” groups. Say things like, “He’s your son-in-law, talk to him yourself,” and, “My parents can hear this from you as much as they can from me. You talk to them.”

It is possible for you to love and honor both of these intense relationships without their divide severing you in two.

Remember, you are powerless over relationhips that do not involve you. These relationships impact you, yes, but they do not involve you.