STUDY: John 21: 1-19
We have repeatedly discussed each of the 8 Bowen Concepts and looked at discussed genograms. I think you have worked very hard. I have tried to demonstrate how the concepts interlock and how they are Bowen’s observations about how families and groups and society “works” and evolves.
In closing today I would like to look at:
ANXIETY (3 kinds) / NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE
Definitions of Growth and Holiness and Spirituality
And try to answer any questions you may have.
Scripture: John 18: 1– 14
THE EIGHT BOWEN CONCEPTS
We have talked at various depths about 6 of the 8 concepts. Today we shall complete the underlined 2 – my hope is that you will see how they all interlock, a sort of rubik cube where all the parts are all the parts and yet all separate at the same time – I know, I know, not easy to visualize!
* Today’s Scripture passage illustrates Differentiation of Self under the most extreme of conditions. It also illustrates societal emotional process (mass behavior) although that comes later than the portion of reading,
** A family genogram
Your three adult (your NOW) genograms.
Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship?
Today’s Study: John 8:1-11
TRIANGLES / AUTONOMY-INTIMACY
A look at yourSELF/HEART/MIND/SOUL/WILL
How is your heart? What, where is the Human Heart? What are you putting your heart into? Are you loving life and others and yourself and God with all of your heart?
Clearly, I am not referring to the physical beating organ in our chests, as powerful, necessary, and as crucial as each of ours is. The heart, as I’m using the word here, is a metaphor. The seat of our emotions. The inner place where the mind or intellect, spirit, soul, meet. It’s our Bold Essence, the cross section of mind and body and spirit and soul – this is the heart. The core. The center. Where the Self begins.
And, it can be broken. And, it can be shattered. And, it can be healed. Taking care of your heart is about a lot more than eating well and watching your cholesterol or engaging in regular exercise. Our hearts can go from bruised or broken to bold and then onto being even more beautiful than they already are. Your heart may have been broken, you may have been betrayed or even brutalized, but you will survive, you will rise up, you will love and be loved again. Love your heart – it’s worth it.
THE EIGHT BOWEN CONCEPTS
Review of Monday
– what was learned? (not what was taught?)
Group Study: Luke 10:25-37 – an attempt to get a glimpse at how dangerous this parable really is, how brave Jesus was to tell it, and how dangerous it is to water it down to simply mean helping someone who is in distress. It is about far more than that.
Genogram at an age between 8 and 14 years of age.
The Eight Interlocking Concepts of Bowen Theory
Hi Rod,
I assume that your email address in this morning’s Mercury is current.
Thank you for taking the time to come to see me. I was sorry not to get to any of your talks. After two years in lockdown and not going out of the building, at 94 I find that I can’t face going out! I had to go to the dentist and for hearing aids. I was really nervous and took a walker to lean on. My balance with even one little step is not good.
Thank you for visiting us at Beth Shalom when you were in Durban. It was also good to see Jen with you. The residents were delighted that you gave us time. Your talk was of value, appreciated and taken to heart. That evening one resident, Marilyn Dinner, told me that she had gone straight to her room and emailed three letters asking for forgiveness, one to her daughter. She received three positive acceptances immediately. And later wrote a few more letters.
Your boys must have been happy to have you home but now you are away again, to benefit others, this time in Switzerland.
Keep well and fit and bringing light into the world.
With kind regards and best wishes,
Elaine G.
Much occurs when people meet.
Within milliseconds the drawbridge – we each have one – may go down with a hearty welcome or remain up and sealed shut.
There may be Immediate comfort or discomfort, or levels of both.
Suspicions may be endorsed or deleted.
Information and misinformation transmission occurs at a speedy rate.
We read and misread and read and misread each other constantly – all within the backdrop of our unique experiences and training, our hurts, pains, goals, and desires – known and unknown.
The accent (if one party is not from “here”) is loaded with meaning. Clothes (anything unusual); laid-back or dominant stance; voice tone, volume, intonations; levels of energy or lack thereof, are cumulatively processed.
Triggers can be triggered. Stereotypes ignited. Warmth flows, or doesn’t.
The wave, the handshake, the hug, smile or frown, degrees of sincerity or insincerity are downloaded by the “who-are-you” antenna and the “can I trust you” antenna issued to all at birth to be processed with the morass of stored history, experience, memories, good and bad.
Every encounter is a miracle.
And, yes, with all that, we — you and I – are called to be neighbors and to love one another.
Introduction to Bowen Theory and to the week ahead.
Exercise: PSALM 23
Genograms.
This is a drawing of any client’s family relationships covering at least three generations. It is always a “drawing in progress and process” as people and families are constantly evolving (chabing, growing).
The genogram is a predictive tool (it is not determinative) revealing what’s likely to occur within a family (where and when there is no intervention) by seeing what’s set in motion by preceding and passed on from generations.
My hope is that each student and staff member will complete his or her Genogram.
All family members are deeply connected to all other family members. The manner in which people are connected either nourishes or drains individuals and the entire network – and, of course – many relationships do both and at the same time.
Size (power, perceived importance, lack of boundaries) matters in all relationships – family or not.
What is desired and the goal for all of our relationships? Respect, Mutuality, Equality.
It is my pleasure and joy to near Geneva in Switzerland this week where I will teach Family Systems theory and practice. Over our five days together I hope to:
While every class is unique and the material is designed for each group, my focus is always to encourage deep engagement from every person. As insights are shared the way opens for the group process to be at least as powerful as the content.
You are welcome to follow the class by reading the daily posted outlines at www.DifficultRelationships.com.
If we had a chance to talk and listen to each other, here are a few things I would enjoy talking about:
The Art of Adulthood demands the practiced skill of knowing when to remain silent, when to speak, and to hold onto the tongue when do speak.
Self-monitoring, self-awareness, an appreciation for the impact we each have on ourselves and others – are crucial gateways to adult emotional health.
I have left a gathering knowing I have talked too much, over-shared, made unnecessary comments, even, and this pains me to write, hurt another, someone present or absent.
Have you done this, too?
You got a little thrill the moment the words came out of your mouth, a brief high of apparent inclusion. The tid-bit shared became a window or door or crack to the “inside” of who knows what. But, given time, which could be seconds or hours, there was regret.
You let yourself down.
Said too much, hogged the floor, or bruised another with an unnecessary comment or story. Yet, at the time and in the context it felt real, important, or playful enough to get a giggle.
Then you were hit with a feeling you’d rather not have had.
I know about this. In a desire for some weird or momentary high or sense of importance I added content to a conversation that was unnecessary, even harmful.
Silence would have been wiser.
Live. Learn. Decide.
Apologize if necessary and possible (it is not always possible).
Do better next time.
I am now finally available for Zoom consultations – email me if you are interested.
difficultrelationships.com 