There’s lots I love about humanity and find fascinating about us. One, of many, is that as a species we are just a little self-obsessed. I am not even into them but I can name about 16 psychological and personality tests which try to assess, understand, evaluate every nook and cranny of a person’s life. 

We love to try to know how we function or don’t and what we can do to fix ourselves as if it is possible or as if we were a low mileage Ford or Toyota. 

More than a few times I’ve been “assessed” by people who know very little about the tests, less about themselves, and yet regard themselves as experts. 

My favorite by far is The Enneagram but I’ve decided to come up with a new test. 

It’s easy to self-administer, score, and analyze.

Are you ready? 

Make lists of the things, people, circumstances you love and hate or hate and love – you choose which comes easier – but do it really quickly and no details are required.

Do this for about 15 minutes, or, take as long as you want.

Which came easier to you? Which flowed out of you with greater ease? 

Which tended to dominate, the positives or the negatives? 

Now, go ahead, analyze all you want.   

How I regard you, treat you, view you, value you is of paramount importance. It says nothing about you but exposes volumes about me.

This is a hard one for some people, even very intelligent people, to grasp. I think this is because even if you are very bright and have an arm’s length of degrees, walls of trophies, an endless lists of glowing accomplishments and you may be richer than Solomon at his peak of wealth, if you are angry, bitter, vengeful or crude, it comes out of you (and me) no matter how much you try to dress it up into something decent or acceptable or explainable.

How we treat all others (no exceptions) is about who and what we are no matter who “they” are or what kind of people “they” are no matter who or what “they” happen to be or not be.

Let’s be clear: I don’t care if you are the big cheese in some church or business or get a motorcade through the middle of the city because of your so-called importance, when I see you treat another person poorly I know what you are made of and it is not pretty.

Even then, though, I try to treat you with respect, because my response to you is not about you, it’s about me and who I am.     

Things I like to do when I come to Durban

I like to drive down to the entrance to the harbor and look for the spot where I spread my dad’s ashes. His descriptions of Pearl Gibson singing to the men passing by on ships going out to war were vivid, so vivid that when I’ve walked the pier it’s as if I can hear her singing “We’ll meet again.”

I like to drive through the city at night. Then, park on the sight of the snake park and walk down the beachfront to where the dodgem cars used to be. If my younger son is with me he usually rollerblades way ahead of me and we meet for ice cream. We get the one with the Cadbury Flake stuck in the middle. It’s a memory I treasure because I share it with him and because it’s reminiscent of days earlier when we walked that part 60 years ago.

I enjoy taking my extended Durban family out for good curry meals. They always know where the curries are hot! I enjoy the diversity of foods available in the Durban area. Then, I have never visited Durban without going to Mitchell Park to greet Gordon Michael who has served so many people so faithfully for so many years.

Addictions and addicts are swamped in denial.

The use of any substance or participation in any behavior is a problem (is an addiction) for you if even one of the following is true.

As a result of the use of a substance or engagement in a behavior: 

• You’ve lost, or come close to losing, a significant relationship or your  job.
• You’ve had a run in with the law.
• Your children are unsettled by your activities.
• You have physical cravings when you have been without it for a few minutes or a few days.
• You violate your values, or appear to have no values, to sustain your activity.
• You build your life around something people who love you wish you wouldn’t consume or do.
• Your life – finances, faith, and relationships – has become progressively unmanageable.
• You hide or you lie about your whereabouts and/or behavior.
• People who love you are put “on duty” and you expect them to lie for you.
• People, especially those you love, are embarrassed by your behavior.
• You hate a list like this list and hope certain people won’t see it.
• When confronted with this list you argue about definitions, display anger or rage, or write the writer off as an idiot.

Please, get help, AA, AL-ANON, and similar organizations are able to assist you. You do not have to live like this!