Common post-divorce themes

by Rod Smith

Theme: I have been divorced several years. My young-adult children do not like the man I am dating.

My response: In decades of listening to people, many of them facing this and parallel situations, I will say it is extraordinarily rare for sons and daughters (all ages) to embrace the person a mother or father dates post divorce. Resistance, rejection – subtle or gross – are common and understandable reactions. 

I’d suggest you “obey” your children. End the relationship. But, do this only if your children will agree to similar choosing, vetting, endorsing on your part about whomever they choose to date and/or marry from this day forward, forevermore. You may want to go all out and suggest the entire family agrees to arranging all of each other’s relationships – intimate to casual – from here on out. Agree to always Gate-Keep for each other.

Unless the person you are dating is married (which is another matter completely) then I’d suggest you be very kind and patiently suggest your sons and daughters honor your choices and begin to learn to celebrate that their parent has found sufficient healing, sufficient post-divorce repair, to even want to date and enjoy a “new” relationship.

May you find real joy. 

Don’t let young adult children – or younger or older – rob you of your adventures.   

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