Post-divorce themes #2 of 5

by Rod Smith

My ex seems to want to monitor my life and gets difficult and moody if I don’t cooperate.

When there have been control issues in the marriage they won’t cease because the marriage has.

Controllers are controlling, married or not. 

The glorious thing about marriage is that your lives connect very powerfully. Children,  mortgages,  cars, vacations, savings accounts, inheritances, mutual friends, businesses (successes and failures) become the glue that binds it all together.  Marriage is a theme park for the controller, especially if it’s faith or religion endorsed. Of course he or she is going to resist your efforts to escape even after the decree is issued. 

Unhitching all that requires skills taught nowhere. 

Unhitching all that – which is what divorce means – is as war and is as painful as can be even if it’s desired and necessary. 

But, alas. These things are mutually developed. Blaming the controlling party only goes so far. 

He or she was permitted such ploys by the partner – with or without awareness. 

You entered it together. You have to escape (unhitch)  alone. 

Divorce is legal. He or she has no authority to reign in the dissolved, non-existent relationship. 

The only legal connection will be determined by what the courts declare regarding the parenting of minor children. 

Stay out of control. Speak up. Resist. Refuse. Access your backbone, voice, and courage. If you accommodate controlling behavior it will grow. If you refuse to water it, it will react and fight but it will die and both parties will be better off. 

No one benefits from arm-wrestle living, not the stronger or the apparently weaker.

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