Five things I know about divorce

by Rod Smith

The Mercury

Divorce is as war. It is rare indeed for things NOT to get really ugly even with people who appear reasonable, amicable, and when both parties desire the divorce and still claim they love each other.

Divorce turns children into diplomats, negotiators, tight-rope walkers, no matter how much the divorcing parents try to avoid this from occurring. It is better accepted than denied.

Divorce is sometimes necessary, even unavoidable. It is necessary where there is on-going infidelity, violence, cruelty. It is necessary for “the persistent, slow murder of a woman” through the covert and overt controlling behavior of a jealous or possessive husband. I am sure there are men who are victims of this pathological behavior. In my limited experience it has always been the woman.

Divorce challenges the couples’ long-term friendships with people the couple knew under happier circumstances. It takes great wisdom and courage for “outsiders” to remain neutral. These connections often do not last. Sides will be taken.

While many couples try to resist involving lawyers it is my opinion that person is better off using his or her own lawyer. I have known several couples who admit that remaining married might have been easier than being divorced. Divorce may solve some aspects of a couples issues but it also creates issues of its own.

There is life after divorce – it just may take a while to really find it. Patience, patience, patience.

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