Archive for December 9th, 2019

December 9, 2019

Your family is organic…….

by Rod Smith

Mercury, Tuesday……

Your family is ORGANIC.

It’s a living, growing entity.

While all sane parents want to do what is good and right for their children, we get into trouble in our parenting when we look for sure-fire formulas, quick fixes, rigid rules, easy solutions.

Children enter the organic system jam-packed with POTENTIAL and our challenges as parents are multifold:

To –

• engage without manipulating

• encourage without indulging

• discipline without squelching

• protect without over-or-under protecting

• be aware without prying or policing

• love without worrying

• help without over-functioning

• be present without dominating

• get “out of the way” without disappearing

Your child is probably stronger than you think, more resilient than he or she may appear, and probably wants more and more “space” to be, to grow, to discover, than he or she is letting on.

December 9, 2019

Five things I know about divorce

by Rod Smith

The Mercury

Divorce is as war. It is rare indeed for things NOT to get really ugly even with people who appear reasonable, amicable, and when both parties desire the divorce and still claim they love each other.

Divorce turns children into diplomats, negotiators, tight-rope walkers, no matter how much the divorcing parents try to avoid this from occurring. It is better accepted than denied.

Divorce is sometimes necessary, even unavoidable. It is necessary where there is on-going infidelity, violence, cruelty. It is necessary for “the persistent, slow murder of a woman” through the covert and overt controlling behavior of a jealous or possessive husband. I am sure there are men who are victims of this pathological behavior. In my limited experience it has always been the woman.

Divorce challenges the couples’ long-term friendships with people the couple knew under happier circumstances. It takes great wisdom and courage for “outsiders” to remain neutral. These connections often do not last. Sides will be taken.

While many couples try to resist involving lawyers it is my opinion that person is better off using his or her own lawyer. I have known several couples who admit that remaining married might have been easier than being divorced. Divorce may solve some aspects of a couples issues but it also creates issues of its own.

There is life after divorce – it just may take a while to really find it. Patience, patience, patience.