Counter-intuitive

by Rod Smith

I know, I know, it’s counter-intuitive

  • Defining yourself, setting personal goals as if you are alone in this world, and getting your focus off others, will deepen your levels of connection and intimacy with others. Authentic intimacy is contingent upon the development of a secure self. To work on your Self – to set and achieve goals, to develop and new skills, – is not selfish. Not to do so, usually is.
  • Freeing others of their debts to you (gross or trivial, real or imagined) will make you free. The resentments we love to collect poison our vision and taint all our relationships. Our resentments may be specific and targeted at one or a few people, but the emotional toxins they promote are generic and impact all of our relationships.
  • All growth requires some loss and will probably elicit some grief no matter how much change is wanted or necessary. Men and women grieve the loss of even the worst of marriages and even the most abusive of circumstances. People become accustomed to the most trying of circumstances and will often grieve quite unexpectedly when those circumstances change.
  • “Getting a life” outside of your children and “outside” of your marriage is (usually – there are often exceptions) good for you, your children, your spouse, and for your marriage.

As I said, it’s counter-intuitive….

“You and Me” is 16 years old this week. Thank you, readers.

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