Add infidelity to the mix – and the confusion, the replays, the what ifs, amplify. Now recovery, if it is possible, includes second-guessing everything that might have appeared innocent, rethinking what appeared good. Infidelity as a cause for a breakup seems to prolong, to postpone, the journey toward possible wholeness. Infidelity attacks the foundation, not just of a marriage, but also of the victim’s being.
Give yourself time, space, and a heavy dose of patience. But, stand up.
There is healing. There is growth. There is a future without her, without him, without life as you have always known it. But that life will wait in the wings while there is self-blame, while there is self-pity.
I know this is a hard truth to swallow – but until there is a moment when a person says, “I am responsible for myself and for what happens to me despite the actions of others,” there is unlikely to be the beginnings of authentic healing.