Stand up – so the healing may begin…..

by Rod Smith

Attraction is only enduringly poss

Take UP your life as an act of self LOVE

Breakups hurt – even if we want them. Ending even a troublesome marriage, let alone one that was often good, is an emotional amputation. It can take years and years to recover if full recovery is even possible. Give yourself space. Give yourself time. But, stand up.

Add infidelity to the mix – and the confusion, the replays, the what ifs, amplify. Now recovery, if it is possible, includes second-guessing everything that might have appeared innocent, rethinking what appeared good. Infidelity as a cause for a breakup seems to prolong, to postpone, the journey toward possible wholeness. Infidelity attacks the foundation, not just of a marriage, but also of the victim’s being.

Give yourself time, space, and a heavy dose of patience. But, stand up.

There is healing. There is growth. There is a future without her, without him, without life as you have always known it. But that life will wait in the wings while there is self-blame, while there is self-pity.

I know this is a hard truth to swallow – but until there is a moment when a person says, “I am responsible for myself and for what happens to me despite the actions of others,” there is unlikely to be the beginnings of authentic healing.

2 Comments to “Stand up – so the healing may begin…..”

  1. This is very true and very good advice.

    The problems with my marriage started about 3 years ago, and at the point and a few times since, there has been infidelity (on the part of my soon to be ex husband). We have two children so I was devastated – mostly at the loss of what I thought my family life should resemble, but also because I did love my husband.

    Now, three years later, I have turned over a new leaf, and realized that my marriage was never good. I am finally feeling good about things – I am moving on with my life and I never thought I could be happy about things – but I am!

    Thanks foryour column – I’ve been reading it throughout these 3 years and it’s helped immensely.

  2. Hey Rod,

    Hope all is well my old friend.

    Your column is so very true, and yes it does cut down to the bone, both for me and Louise. Many truths and that big mirror I face when i not only look an my self, but her and my children.

    Many thanks for the insightful words and the healing and inspiration it brings to me.

    All our love from Africa.

    Jock.

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