by Rod Smith

• renders you partially deaf to what others are saying to you and you will tend to hear what you want to hear
• renders you partially blind to what is going on around you and will see what you want to see
• renders you hyper-sensitive to what others are doing and not doing and less aware of your own behavior

You will reduce your levels of anxiety if you….

“De-triangle” yourself by getting out of the middle of relationships that do not directly involve you (like stop trying to get your son to like his stepfather, your mother to like your wife, your boss to spend more time with his children).

Re-connect (appropriately) with people to whom you are related – especially when it is by “blood” (it is virtually impossible to be enduringly emotionally well if you have severed “blood” relationships).

Step out of the role of being a peacekeeper (one who avoids and helps others to avoid necessary and helpful conflict) and step into the role of being a peacemaker (one who welcomes and facilitating necessary and helpful conflict).

3 Comments to “Anxiety”

  1. Ok, now I’m discouraged…..What if our family of origin connections are dysfunctional? I’ve worked for two years to disconnect so that I may break the cycle so I can spend my energy meeting the needs of my children instead of nursing my own past wounds.
    How can we make the best of it?

  2. ps. when I found this blog it felt like I won a lot of money. I love information, good information and I am in awe that your writing answers many of my questions and other concerns. At the same time, it is inspiring and gives me more to think about (thanks a lot…).

    Thank you for sharing all of your work- I know how much energy it takes to write one informative article much less consistent, informative, gentle, passionate, and much needed posts for the world to read (with little feedback).

  3. My original comment wasn’t received. I am curious how to handle re-connecting with blood family when the family still practices dysfunctional patterns. I’ve worked for two years to DISconnect from my family of origin so that I may break the pattern of dysfunction. I want to be free (and able) to meet the needs of my children instead of meeting my own needs by continuing to live out childhood coping methods which will ultimately cause dysfunction in my children.

    How can I do both?

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