The decision to fully live can arise out of a serious illness, a dramatic event, a close encounter with ones mortality. While it was not readily observable to me then, it has become clear to me in retrospect. In 1997 (July 1st) I had a massive heart attack followed by stent surgery. I actually died briefly during the surgery and, after what I can only recall as time when I felt enveloped in love and warmth and beauty, I came round with the thumping of the surgeon on my chest and all the drama of revival.

Over the years, perhaps as a result of my strong opinions, many men and women have asked me how it is that I am apparently unfazed by the opinions of others. Well, at 55, having suffered one very dramatic and close call with death I can say this: I care a whole lot about what my family and my children think of me, but I do give very little care to what the world at large thinks. I decided a long time ago that that was really none of my business.

Of course I want to be liked, enjoyed, embraced, accepted, but I am unlikely to shift my thinking and my views based on the need or the desire to be popular. Being loved by my children is very important to me. Being embraced by friends and readers is a bonus, but changing who I am for the simple desire to be liked is indeed a wild goose chase.

Deciding to fully live, even if having to decide anything seems overwhelming, must come if you want emotional and psychological wellness. This means, among other things, seizing opportunities. It means living with an attitude of forgiveness. It’s deciding that the worst that has ever occurred to us is only given greater or less power by the response we choose to have to whatever has been our awful fate. Living fully exorcises passivity. It gets you into the game of your own life. It’s deciding to decide how things will turn out for you rather than leaving matters to fate or to the whims of others.

I am constantly aware of the readers who are experts in the behavior of a controlling spouse – and yet, who have become so pre-occupied with the behaviour of the spouse that he or she fails to see how his or her own behavior (often passive behaviour) allows the pathological-other so much power, rendering the reader a victim, a victim who is apparently willing to yield his or her future to an incompetent other.

I say it is time to engage, it is time to call the shots in your own life, it is time to fully live, to be fully responsible for yourself rather than place your life into the hands of one who can barely care for him or herself, let alone also care for you.