I am the other woman. Should I contact the wife and confess?

“I am the other woman in a relationship of five years. It just came out, and now the wife is leaving. I feel horrible. Should I contact her and confess? I have felt guilty for years but never ended it. I probably never would have ended if this wouldn’t have happened. The guy wants to still continue to see me but I just can’t.”

From Canberra

JEAN: One’s needs for love, comfort, feeling valuable and significant in a special someone’s life can override any of value/belief systems. Confessing to the wife will not alleviate your guilt. Perhaps this present circumstance is a good time to explore deeper why you put yourself through such inner turmoil in order to get your needs met.

Stay out....

Rod: Make contact with neither party. Don’t fall for the “closure” nonsense. You will be no help to the wife, and, it is already established that you and the husband are no good for each other. Five years is a long time to deceive. I have no doubt deception will have become a way of life for you, possessing somewhat of an addictive quality. Although you have contributed to significant damage for this couple, you cannot participate in their, or her, healing. Don’t try. Your complete disregard for the sanctity of marriage reflects on your apparent disregard for yourself. It is going to be a long road, but I hope you find the one that leads you to a realization of your own inestimable value.

Remove yourself....

KATHRYN: What is it about your view of yourself that you became the “other woman.” Feeling guilty for years is the direct result of living a lie. It’s interesting that you ended it after the wife found out and is leaving. A confession would serve to alleviate some of your guilt perhaps, but is irrelevant and may cause more hurt to the wife unless it is something she requests for her own healing. Remove yourself. Allow them to deal with the pain that is the consequence of an extramarital affair. Learn from your feelings of guilt, sit with them, and allow this to stop you from dating married men again. Spend energy working on yourself consider the possibility of becoming involved in a healthy relationship that is open and free.

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Posted on July 9, 2009 at 2:24 pm in Affairs, Betrayal, Boundaries, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

4 Comments to “I am the other woman. Should I contact the wife and confess?”

1. 
   Karin
   July 9, 2009 at 2:35 pm

   Definitely not… especially after 5yrs during which time you were quite content to regularly continue to betray her. Why can’t you see him now that his wife is no longer? Perhaps you don’t love him and only while he was unattainable it was exciting. Sorry to be harsh

   Reply
2. 
   Ken
   July 9, 2009 at 5:02 pm

   Do you believe that confessing to her will help to bring her some healing? Will it be positive for her? Does she want your confession? If so, then I would consider it.

   But if your confession is motivated by a desire to ease your own guilt, then don’t. She has been hurt enough already.

   Reply
3. 
   Kendra
   March 28, 2010 at 8:23 pm

   The only way to relieve your guilt isn’t to tell the wife, but to tell yourself that your won’t do it again. Make yourself a pack, or promise. It will probably make the woman feel worse. You should just let the woman get on with her life. What would you say anyways; “I’m sorry” then she would probably ask why you did it (literally) for five years.

   Reply
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