He wants me to watch pornography and it is very uncomfortable for me…

by Rod Smith

I am 23. My boyfriend (32) wants me to watch pornography with him. It is very uncomfortable for me. He insists, and I feel pressure to give in. He says it is “normal” and that his previous girlfriend did it all the time. (Letter edited)

Response: Always refuse sexual behavior you don’t want. As adults you and your boyfriend can do whatever you mutually consent to do, but going against what you find acceptable will not do you (or your relationship) any good.

Evidence, limited I agree, suggests your boyfriend is potentially abusive: he exerts pressure, won’t hear your “no”, makes hurtful comparisons to get his way. I’d suggest you are one of the many women he will use, but not love.

The problem with pornography (which has no redeeming features) and apart from its degradation of the “actors” is that it promotes sexual behavior that is only lustful. It omits entirely the portrayal of the sex act as something mutual, respectful, private and loving, best enjoyed by married, respectful equals. By the way, if he and his previous girlfriend were so sexually compatible I can only wonder why they are not still together.

4 Comments to “He wants me to watch pornography and it is very uncomfortable for me…”

  1. I agree to an extent, but if your partner can make you feel comfortable with trying new things that you originally thought were “wrong” or uncomfortable, it’s part of being in a relationship. I do agree that he may be just using you, though. He shouldn’t compare you to his ex.

  2. Mutual consent is key here. Playful experimentation can be invigorating (in different areas of life) but it must include both persons respect for each other. YMMV

  3. That is just wrong.
    If he “Loves” you, he would respect how you feel instead of putting on pressure. Like your email says, his “ex” girlfriend which means she is no longer there. He either used her and dumped her for somethig new, (which most likely will happen to you after awhile) or she dumped him to find a real man.

    If he truly loves or respects you, he would not use this to manipulate your relationship. All this does is gives him a legitimate excuse to “get what he wants” and get out… and he feels this gives him a legitimate right to end your relationship at anytime when he gets bored. In the meantime you are performing tricks for him to keep him satisfied in the hopes he will stay since you have invested so much of yourself.

    In a real love relationship, love comes first and the friendship and commitment. With that in mind, you will have plenty of time to experiment and have fun in your marriage as your commitment is intact, not whether you perform great long enough.

  4. ” Porno is a good example of voluntary delusion. It is neither sex nor love. It’s just voyeurism and big business together in one.” — Peter Lavetti, artist and photographer

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