I am getting divorced after twenty years of marriage. While discussing financial matters, my soon-to-be ex-husband told me that in his “new life” he has found love that he has never before experienced with me. After all the feelings of betrayal and the on-going tension with the three children, when he said this it still hit me very hard. Was there nothing in 24 years he thought was real love? He has no clue about how hurtful it was to hear such a thing? Should I be angry or sad?

Be both! Each is appropriate. Knowing it is very difficult, I encourage you to shift your focus off him. Divorce is often a cruel form of warfare and he deployed a weapon to inflict unnecessary pain. His words have no benefit to anyone but to underscore that the man you once loved has resorted to unnecessary cruelty. Perhaps he is looking affirmation, some way of telling himself that he has done the right thing; that his move was worth it. Leaving children carries a great price. Somehow blaming you (for not really giving him “real” love) puts some of that payment at your feet. Don’t believe a word of it!