I have taken some flack for writing that our thoughts (our thinking) are more important than our feelings.

I have never said our feelings are unimportant or ought to be dismissed or downplayed.

You might have noticed constant reminders in self-help-type writings that we have no control over what others think of us.

This is so.

I want to go a smidgeon further.

How, what, and when we think of others is of pivotal importance and it is (largely) within our control.

How (positive, negative, with anger, joy, or judgement) we think of others (individuals, groups, near and far) shapes who we are (character).

What (positive, negative, truth, rumour) we think of others shapes our behavior.

When (rarely, on occasion, routinely, obsessively) we think of others shapes attitudes, productivity and content.

The “how,” “what” and “when” occurring within us is vastly more important than what others think, or we believe others think, about us.

Take kindness and thinking kind thoughts and planning kind actions.

It is good for us.

It’s a day-changer.

Really, it’s a life-changer.

Unkindness from any source reveals (usually) nothing about the target and everything about the source.

“Love your enemies?” said Jesus.

Why?

I of course don’t know all the reasons He said this.

I have a hunch that it’s at least partly because love is good for all of us.

Learning to love our enemies is the ultimate test of character and shapes us into the kinds of people we really want to be.

I recall noticing, even as a young child, that the unkind boys and girls in primary school were the ones who appeared to have endured little or no suffering.

They lived in palatial homes, had servants (whom they often mistreated) and parents who were at their beck and call. 

Empathy, although I had no name for it, was missing. 

I reasoned it was not something they felt they needed and therefore was not part of what they could offer.

A series of vivid enduring events underscored my observations.

As a chronic stutterer I could tell exactly who would and who would not make fun of my speaking. I could smell the lack of empathy from a distance. They would go so far as to challenge teachers to call on me to read to the class in hopes of enjoying my humiliation.  

One of my peers was severely disfigured from an accident he endured as a very young child.

Those who pointed, laughed, circled him and tried to get him to smile or cry with their taunting were those who also derived pleasure from humiliating me. 

Boys (my highschool was and is an all boys school) who appeared to have it all found it easy to victimize those who did not.

Empathy was not part of their emotional vocabulary.

It may be more subtle now (or not) but a cursory glance at the headlines reveals little has changed.   

What will you do with your loneliness?

Will you permit it to take you down, halt your activities, zoom your mind back to a time when you were surrounded by people, a time when your children were young and you had no time for loneliness? 

If you permit it will take up increased room in your thinking until there is not much room for anything else but the accentuated heaviness of your aloneness. 

Like you (I concede there are always exceptions) people crave connection, recognition. People want to be seen, heard, play roles in the lives of others. 

We are living pieces of a vibrant, multidimensional puzzle seeking our unique places – we have several – where we fit, where we give and receive and make our unique marks and contributions. 

Something vital happens within us when we are part of a family, a team, a group, a gathering of friends, a community of worship, and combine our skills and resources for a unified effort.      

So? 

What will you do with your loneliness?

Will you allow it the upper hand to push you further into despair? 

Let loneliness have its way and before long your mind will fill with victim thinking and you may begin to believe the world is against you.

I am neither superior nor inferior to anyone anywhere. 

We are equals. 

While it is true that we all have different roles, different responsibilities, vastly different experiences, we remain equals. 

We are not the same, but we are equal. 

My life is not more or less important than yours. No matter how educated or uneducated or wealthy or so-called poor, or “powerful” or “powerless” you or I may be or may not be – we are equals. 

While the world around you and me may not, and does not, affirm this truth, I will embrace it and live it to the best of my ability and hope you will too. 

Why?

Because it is good for us – you and me.

And, it is the truth.

I aspire to live this way so that I may be at peace and fully enjoy those around me without having to combat the inevitable taint and contamination that will result when people believe in their own superiority or inferiority, or in the superiority or inferiority of others.

Your (my) race, religion, ethnic background, culture, language, qualifications, bank-balance, list of assets, “reach,” influence, or being married, single, divorced, straight, gay, none of it, none of it qualifies you (or me) be claim superiority (to judge), or inferiority (to be judged).     

May you….

– find authentic inclusion with a group of caring friends. 

– enjoy significant connection and derive mutual satisfaction with members of your immediate and extended family and family of choice. 

– have meaningful work, work that respectfully uses your talents, strengths your imagination, and where your responsibilities and your authority are in sync.  

– have the capacity for humor that enriches – not diminishes or demeans – others. 

– discover new and wonderful and creative things about yourself despite your years of experience. 

– learn from past failures and have an increased and healthy awareness of your propensities and vulnerabilities rather than be weighed down by your failures.

– strive to be part of the solutions and not part of the problems in matters large and small. (Credit Dean Sherman)

– become even more skillful in knowing your limits, defining your boundaries, and therefore better able to love your enemies, friends, family, colleagues and strangers. 

– resist urges,  subtle or gross — all of which may be socially acceptable — to exploit others to accomplish your personal or professional goals. 

– do no harm and may none come to you. 

– truly understand you are superior to none, inferior to none and, if and while you think you are either, you are surely missing the joy of appreciating your own beautiful humanity.  

– be an agent of love, healing, learning, empowering, and peace.