Archive for ‘Grace’

December 13, 2024

Of course I believe in Santa

by Rod Smith

I saw Santa at the Children’s Museum with a feather of a child pleading her case. They were locked in discussion, a confessional of sorts, as she entered into detail of her every Christmas wish. Hands, eyes, and all of her face enticed Santa closer lest he miss a detail living so clearly in her head.

“Oh, you want, oh, I see it. Why yes, of course. Perfectly,” Santa said, his voice tapering off into her ear, “I will see what I can do about that.”

Then she nestled into his side, her shoulders comfortably enveloped by his plush red suit as if to declare her mission accomplished. He was a perfect depiction of everything I imagined him to be and the sight easily immersed me in the voices and music of my own Christmases past.

Santa came all year round to our home. I’d look through the window in April or mid-August and Santa would be strolling up the driveway on his return from visits to every home on the street. He’d be wearing dad’s shoes and one of his ties underneath the tatty red coat, but I knew better than to expose his identity. I wanted to believe in Santa and he in turn needed me to believe. Such faith had rewards. I knew better than to dash my own hopes. I wasn’t ready to lose my trust in Santa for anyone and certainly not by my own hand.

He couldn’t resist visits to the whole neighborhood and would drop in from time to time and inspire children toward good behavior, perfect obedience at school, and remind them to count their blessings one by one. At every appearance in our home we’d sing “The Little Boy that Santa Clause Forgot” and we’d all have to cry. He insisted on it.

The lines “he didn’t have a daddy” and “went home to play with last year’s broken toys” really got us going.

It was clear he sang to all the children of the world who’d had to skip childhood and who had known poverty; children who’s fathers had gone to war or whose fathers or mothers had fled their families.

Donning the suit, surprising the children, was our Santa’s way of making the world right.

His visits created intrigue in the neighborhood, and to every child he repeated the promise that this Christmas, no child on this street would be forgotten. As far as I could tell none ever was.

The last Christmas we had together was in August of 1994. We were riding in a car and in the curves of Bluff Road when spontaneously he began to sing, “Christmas comes but once a year.”

The car became a holy place as I heard once more of the boy who “wrote a note to Santa for some soldiers and a drum and it broke his little heart to find Santa hadn’t come.”

The tears we both shed required no encouragement for we both somehow knew this would be the last time he’d sing this nostalgic hymn.

Now this old song is top of my list of Christmas songs.

The melody emerges randomly in my awareness, most particularly when faced with children who are in need. I have had to silence it at all times of the year.

It was the little girl’s confidence, Santa’s grace, and the loving parents looking from the side that caught my attention last week. She touched his flowing beard and told him her every Christmas dream and I found myself listing my own requests with childlike zeal.

It gave me renewed hope that you and I, the real Santas of the world, could deliver a more hopeful tomorrow for “those little girls and boys that Santa Claus forgot.”

(First published, December 9, 2000, Indianapolis Star)
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Our home this evening….

December 1, 2024

Bring it on…..

by Rod Smith

If your grief scares me I will let you know. 

Until then, if you so choose, I’ll listen as you tell me as much or as little as you want about your losses.

It makes no difference to me how much time has passed since your loss, your let-down, your crises. I know time passed makes little or no difference to your enduring pain even if you’re able at times to mask it.

So, bring it on. 

I’m listening. I’m reading. 

I will be as present for you as is humanly possible. I’ll listen to every word you say and listen for those you don’t say. I’ll read every sentence you’ve written and ask you to say more if there’s any hint of necessity to read between the lines. I’ll study what you present as though I’m preparing for an examination. 

When we talk or as you write please note I’d welcome a thorough tour of the love you enjoyed, the way it was when it

was at its very best. If it’s a spouse, friend, job at the crux of the loss you’ve endured, please, tell me too, about the good times. This will allow me to more fully appreciate what you’ve suffered. 

I know it’s tough to read (and it’s not easy to write, either) but if you lost a baby, a child (at any age), I want you to know I think I’m brave enough to hear you out. 

If it scares me, I’ll tell you. If it scares you, let me know, and we can leave it be, or…..whatever you decide. 

The invitation stands. 

WhatsApp, email, FaceTime…..if we’re in the same area, we can meet face-to-face, once, twice or more. 

It’ll always be your call.

I’m available. 

Bring it on. 

November 29, 2024

Motivations

by Rod Smith

“There are two sides to every story” is a common belief. 

I am of the opinion that things are usually more layered. It is probably more like 7 or 9 sides to every story.

Motivation – the “inside story” – is similar.  

What drives me – or holds me back, demands I succeed, or prefers I don’t – is usually more than one or two identifiable factors. People have mixed, often confusing motivations. Hidden, often unknown internal compelling swells drive people to surf historic and aspirational waves. 

Getting to the bottom of motive can be like any journey, beautiful, pleasing, satisfying, sometimes uncomfortably revealing. 

Time spent with a wildly successful person who donates to great causes and is appropriately honored for doing so led him to inform that very few people know how angry he really is at extended family who unashamedly live off him.

“I have to,” he said, “I have to support them. My wife knows it makes me angry. Everything is for my (deceased) parents.” 

Motives are cloaked, mixed bags, driving from deep within, often yielding incredibly beautiful results.     

November 21, 2024

Searching

by Rod Smith

I have had the privilege of visiting South Africa many times since my January 1990 move to the USA. I have gone most to KwaZulu Natal, where I have family, and, in more recent years, to the Western Cape. 

I drive a lot. 

It is as if I am looking for something, searching for an item left behind, that I am sure, with enough exploring, I will ultimately find. 

Alas, I do know it takes more than renting a car and hours on familiar and unfamiliar roads to journey into the heart of my search.

I have never questioned my move and nor did I ever believe Lady Liberty’s grass was greener.  

On rare occasions I listen to South Africans who have made the move and some recurring observations make me smile. 

Others, not. 

“I miss ‘my’ maid, she was part of the family,” regretting having to pump your own petrol, wash your own clothes, manage your own kitchen are observations that drive me crazy.

Moments of absolute fulfillment, perhaps marking the end of my search, flood me on encountering the sheer goodness, love, acceptance in the nation of my birth, coming from a people who could legitimately regard me with contempt.

Thank you, South Africa, I love you, too.    

Early morning— Muizenberg
November 20, 2024

Grass greener?

by Rod Smith

The Mercury — Thursday

Give your thanksgiving voice…..

Let the people whom you love know it. This means directly telling them in as many creative ways as you are able to devise, but especially, if possible, with words and words that are said out loud and face-to-face. Leave glaring evidence of your love so there is no mistaking it even if it has already been your habit for years.

Cards, letters, cash – let it flow.

Wherever you live, enjoy it, no, more than that, celebrate it. Be aware that wherever you live, there are people – perhaps billions of people – spread across the world who think the grass is greener exactly where you live. They aspire to be where you already are. Make things more beautiful than they already are by adding your joy to the beauty.

Water your proverbial greener grass with joy.

You, yes you, have the power to make someone’s day. I know you do because if it is true for me then it is also true for you. We all possess the power of expressing thanks, of noticing talent and acknowledging it, of recognizing beauty and love and owning up to how it has enriched our lives. The fabulous thing about going out of your way to make someone’s day is that it will inevitably make yours, too.

The kickbacks are terrific.

————
United brought me home — not a single guitar was ruined on the journey……! (Obscure joke indeed…… if you get it let me know). Next stop, Bujumbura…..

November 19, 2024

Kindness kick(s)back(s) — reads both ways….

by Rod Smith

Considering others, delivering acts of kindness, will likely be of much benefit to people on the receiving end.  

But, as a direct result of acts of consideration and kindness, possibilities for more such acts will kick into gear. 

  • How could I use my power, as limited as it may be, to open opportunities for people?
  • I’m in no particular hurry and so I can move to the end of the line, or at least suggest those who are rushed for time go ahead of me.
  • I have more than I ever need or use so I will find creative ways to share and spread the favor that’s been mine. 

This kind of thinking is good for our minds, hearts, wills, souls, spirits, as elusive as these “places” are that work together within us and define and shape who we are. 

Looking for ways to consider others puts our selfishness and entitlement (at least temporarily) on hold while such thinking  engages self awareness and service. 

It’s healthy thinking. 

It’s win-win thinking that even while we are thinking the thinking it realigns our attitudes and restores hope. 

Considering others broadens, sharpens personal vision, does its part in renewing the mind. This can only have positive results, except for committed cynics, of whom, sadly, there are many. 

But, wait, let’s re-think that. 

Beautiful greeting
November 12, 2024

A prayer (for you and for me) for today

by Rod Smith

May your heart be jam-packed with great expectations and sufficiently resilient to embrace those unfamiliar with indiscriminate human warmth.

Love is tough for those for whom it is foreign.   

May you experience the goodness of which you are capable and possess the courage to allow its full way with you. 

Take yourself by surprise.

May you have childlike eyes and be filled with joy and wonder as you see the familiar in new and childlike ways. 

May your curiosity be contagious

May your thoughts dwell on the goodness around you and your focus on designing your fulfilling and adventurous future. 

May your enthusiasm impart strength to others. 

May your words be soft, sweet, encouraging, while you remain unafraid to speak your mind with conviction. 

May your words comfort and provoke all who hear you.

May your hands bring comfort, kindness, relief to those, who, for reasons of historic political atrocities or recent political divides, may least expect it from you.

May your love continually and persistently obliterate stereotypes and prejudices. 

May your most treasured friendships deepen, your broken friendships find healing, and all malice, contempt and indifference from you, and for you, cease.

May you embrace and love your friends, former friends, enemies and detractors. 

Captured with permission – a t-shirt in Curitiba, Brazil
November 11, 2024

Emotional wellness

by Rod Smith

Definitions vary, but people usually want to be emotionally healthy, or moving in that direction. 

How about some tangible goals displaying emotional wellness? 

The emotionally well person is a self-starter who is inner-driven and internally-steered. She uses pre-established principles and boundaries to make decisions and is not usually externally steered by family, friends or fads. 

The healthy person is no blind follower and nor is he “flying by the seat of his pants.” Even at his most spontaneous, he is living his pre-established principles and goals. 

She loves her family but acts as a separate person when necessary and, when necessary, she is able to make unpopular decisions. 

He sometimes chooses to spend time alone, time to think, plan, read, write and pray. 

He is quick to forgive almost everything but learns to modify or manage trust. He understands that forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting although there are times and circumstances when it does.

Emotionally well people are able to “hold onto themselves” under pressure and do not lash out or blame others when things go awry. 

Emotionally well people are comfortable with their status in life and thus able to impart calmness and comfort to those who appear to be on a constant treadmill in pursuit of wealth, success, or recognition.

“Living from within” can appear as arrogance to those who are tossed and turned by trends and fashions. 

Living pro-actively
November 10, 2024

In a world of…..

by Rod Smith

In a world of….. 

In a world of chaos and discord may you and I be part of the solution and not part of the problem. May we not fuel fruitless discussions but rather attempt to be agents of calm and sound reason. 

In a world of selfishness and greed may you and I find it in ourselves to be self-aware and generous. May we assist when possible and necessary but may our help be carefully considered so that it is authentic, helpful and empowering help. 

In a world of indifference and frequent contempt may you and I be engaged with others and accepting of others. May we learn the art of seeing, validating, and hearing people and loving those whom we may have formerly regarded with indifference had we noticed them at all. 

In a world where many people are demanding and entitled, may you and I learn when to give way, to accommodate, to compromise, to yield, and when to stand firm. May we learn the art of repeated healthy responses to unhealthy expectations.  

In a world of sarcasm, hurt and rejection may you and I represent hope. May we be people of healing and listening and grace. May you and I learn how to be safe people in an unsafe world.   

Hermanus morning — Western Cape
November 3, 2024

Normal?

by Rod Smith

“Dad, are we normal?” my son asked, bending from his perch on my shoulders, trying to look into my face. 

“Why do you ask?” I said, looking up at him while holding his ankles in one hand and feeling his weight swirl to one side.

We did these “walks” around the block almost daily. We’d start out, his five year old body striding out ahead of me, beckoning me to hurry, usually toward the steel climbing equipment on the public school play area. I knew that if the walk was in the evening light was dimming and the alleys between the houses were throwing darker and changing shadows my son would plead tiredness, beg to ride on my shoulders. 

I braced for big questions.

Was his question going about the deeper things in life? I wondered in these brief moments if he’d noticed some of the economic disparities that surrounded him.  Race? I thought perhaps he’d been exposed to something at school and seen how unusual bi-racial families were in our part of the world. Perhaps he wanted to explore the intricacies of adoption or solo-parenting.    

“We have a truck, dad. Everyone has cars. Everyone’s gate works. Ours doesn’t,” he said. 

Days of riding on my shoulders are long past…… but the joy has not.