Our no-strings-attached superpowers

I’m convinced that you and I have superpowers and the capacity to radically transform our immediate circle of influence.

Our capacity for hospitality is a superpower and, as powerful as it is, it goes beyond opening our homes to guests and strangers. It’s opening our hearts to everyone we encounter. It’s simple friendliness. It’s a no-strings-attached welcome to all. 

Our capacity for generosity is a superpower. We have it in us to share, to give, to alleviate burdens for others. It’s extending this natural gift to those who least expect it from us that elevates natural generosity into a superpower. It’s a planned no-strings-attached sharing of time and resources. 

Our capacity to both hear and listen to people is a superpower. When we offer people undistracted attention and hang onto every word they say, we are validating their story, their very existence. It’s a no-strings-attached gift proclaiming “I see and hear and value you” in an often indifferent world. 

Our capacity to treat all other people as equals (which they are) and with respect (which all people deserve) is a superpower. We can learn powerful and important lessons from anyone and everyone. This no-strings-attached acknowledgment of the treasures within all people, like all our human superpowers, cannot be faked. 

I am fascinated by process, time, growth; how life itself gets us ready for life itself. 

When my sons were very young neither they nor I could imagine them leaving, going off on their own. None of the three of us was ready for that. 

It is different now. 

It’s not that I want them gone. I do not. But I do want them to forge ahead with their own lives. I want them to find adventures in far off countries and to make friends with people I will never meet. 

Life prepared me for that transition. I find no resistance within me for it to continue. I thought I would hold onto the boys in some way but I cannot find it in me to do so. I am ready, we are ready for things none of the three of us could have foreseen us being ready for.

Life did it. The process did it. This is what I am celebrating. 

In the meantime I shall Value obscurity. Enjoy doubt. Celebrate ambiguity. Embrace mystery. Love complexity. I’ll stop searching for certainty, sureness, and seek simplicity. 

Not only can I not have all the answers, I  cannot even have most of the questions! 

Life itself, does it’s part in preparating us for life. 

Swimming, showering and bathing are the same thing. A shower with soap and shampoo cleans you for four or five days. Licking your fingers washes your hands. Biting an apple brushes your teeth. Potato chips IS vegetables. Flossing and flushing? Why? You just have to do it again.

Sleeping wastes time (weekends). People need sleep (school days). Making a bed is stupid. You get into the same one every night. Wearing a shirt inside out is putting on a clean shirt. Pulling a shirt over your head combs your hair. Putting clothes away means you just have to get them again. A bedroom is tidy if you can see (any part, even a smidgen) of the carpet. 

Lighted candles must be disturbed and never left alone. Drip the wax, always, anywhere. You can climb, throw, jump on anything if you really want. All bodies of water must be disturbed, no matter how peaceful or beautiful, you must throw something into it or skip stones. If you have a brother EVERYTHING is a competition. SHOTGUN for the front seat works even if you only think it. 

“There are two little English words,” my mothers would often sing, “that will open any door with ease. The one little word is THANKS; the other little word is PLEASE.” 

It’s clear to me that such common manners seem in short supply.

Is that your observation, too?

Stand back for someone, hold the door open, clear the way – and the recipients of common kindness quite often move on, ignore kindness, as if being served is their expectation and you are simply doing your job. 

Besides “please” and “thank you” there is another good manners suggestions I’d add:

Before you – anyone that is, myself included, of course – bank it, spend it, eat it, use it – if it was a gift – thank the person by calling or in writing who gave it to you.

“I haven’t had the time to write a thank you letter or make a thank you phone call,” I have heard.

What nonsense. 

If you found the time to use the gift you’ve certainly had the time to express thanks for it.

“My grandma (grandma, uncle, aunt) doesn’t expect a thank you card or a call,” he said.

That a generous person may expect no formal thanks does not mean it ought not be communicated. 

I had occasion to be with two women who work closely with the public. One, a hairstylist, the other is in guest services for a major hotel.

I asked how soon each was able to identify if a customer is going to be a difficult customer, high maintenance, or easy going. 

“They tell on themselves,” said the hairstylist without taking a moment to think, “as soon as you open your mouth to welcome them they start with the demands, and you are wrong before you even start.” 

“I can tell by how they walk in through the doors,” said the hotel employee, “and the first thing they do is tell you they booked online and they booked luxury. And now they want to upgrade this and upgrade that. I can see the booking. I know they are not truthful.”

“Easy going people are easy to see. They ask my opinion and really listen when I tell them what I can do. And they laugh a lot,” said the hairdresser.    

“When someone comes to check into the hotel and they are not pushing, and I don’t mean by what they say. Difficult people push, push with attitude. Easy people are nice to help. They are not trying to get something all the time.”   

What kind of day will you have today? 

An honest day, a day of kindness, a forgiving one, a day with time and an ear for the elderly and a smile for the foolishness of the blatantly arrogant.

What kind of person will you be today? 

A patient one, a person who listens to others, one who meets a financial need – small or large – of at least one other person today, a person who offers respect to people even if it is not returned.

It will not be by accident if you and I can ease into our beds this evening having had the kind of day and having been the kind of person as outlined briefly above. 

It will be the result of a plan. 

It will be the result of making decisions before we need them. 

No doubt, unexpected things happen and get in the way and upset the best intentions. The best designed apple carts can be upturned. 

None of the unexpected is likely to ruin your day if you have sat down and made a plan about what kind of day you want and what kind of person you will be. 

It is really rather simple, and, well, what have we got to lose that’s not already worth losing?  

Durban

South Africa 

Wednesday, September 18, 2024 

Good Morning Rod,

Just a note to say that I value your pieces in The Mercury every morning. I hope that they continue as long as I do. There is usually something for me to read to my meditation and bereavement groups. Tuesday September 17 was a very good one, “Reach out in person if you need help.” In my weekly meditation groups I usually pick something relevant to read. 

Didn’t I hear that one of your boys has got engaged? If so, congratulations. Lucky girl to become part of  your family.

About “The Soul.”  Could you please perhaps make one of your articles for The Mercury about the soul for me to read to the bereavement group and discuss? 

From you it would make for a good meeting and I would appreciate it very much.

About the group  –  first Thursday of every month in the boardroom. Not everyone suffering a loss will come but we have about 17 regulars who are still coming after very many years.  It is not all Jewish, we are also Christian, Catholic, a Moslem and a Buddhist. Lots of discussion over tea and cookies from the kitchen. The Moslem lady brings kosher biscuits. I always tell them that the soul enters the fetus at conception and stays with the body until it leaves at death and that only the physical body dies. Now I am having someone from each religion  to tell us about the soul, one each month. We have had Shlomo from Chabad, to visit, on the Jewish soul and our member Mariam Motala from  the Moslem aspect. Before continuing, a member wants to have a meeting about the Magnetic Field. The following month it will be Peter Huston, an Anglican minister who, surprisingly, actually also works at the Holocaust Centre!

With all good wishes and kind regards,

Elaine (name removed)

Repost by request:

What matters?

People matter. How we treat people matters. How we treat all people matters. How we respect and treat those with whom we are close, say we love, those whom we encounter at arms length, or not encounter at all, matters.

It matters much.

How we treat those with whom we disagree matters as least as much as how we treat those whom we claim to love.

How we treat all others (near, far, loved, known, unknown, different, current family, former family, those on the other side of the political aisle) is a litmus test on our spirituality. It’s a test of our holiness if we claim to represent a faith or not. Every human encounter is an holiness check, a biopsy of our integrity – no matter who we are or what positions we may hold – megachurch pastor or atheist.

How we treat all others says nothing (zero, zilch) whatsoever about others.

How we treat others is a window – a large open window – revealing volumes about us, no matter how hard we may try to keep it closed, barred, and the blackout curtains taped shut.

How we treat people matters for many reasons, one being it mirrors the love and respect we have for ourselves. We love others as we love ourselves. The same is true for hate, rejection, and contempt.

Parents please teach your daughters:

1. You never have to shrink, soft-pedal, or sell yourself short, in order to secure a loving, lasting relationship. Any potential partner that is threatened by the power of your personality or the breadth of your talent is not worth your time or investment. Move on. 

2. You do not have to give up your dreams, talents, desires, and skills in exchange for a loving relationship. The potential partner who is man enough to love you will amplify your dreams, talents, and skills. He will do nothing at all to try and silence you. This is to be especially noted in religious circles – flee communities that silence women.

3. You do not have to hide your imperfections or pretend they do not exist. The person who is man enough to respect and love you will not expect you to be perfect and will seldom notice your shortcomings. A loving man will regard your imperfections as assets. 

4. You will benefit from having Zero Tolerance for people with less than perfect manners. If a potential partner swears at people, if he’s short-tempered, if he’s unkind to strangers – move on. There are myriads of men who are pure-mouthed, patient, and kind. Why would you spend a minute longer with one who is not?