No person can both love and control the same person (for an enduring length of time). This is true for all relationships, from the most casual and platonic, to professional, to the most intimate. It is also so for all family relationships. The one who is being controlled (manipulated, coerced, check-mated) will ultimately resist. He or she will find his or her way out, no matter how pleasing or attractive the so-called rewards or harsh the punishments. He or she who seeks to love will seek no power or control over anyone, most especially the object of his or her love.

The power to offer grace and forgiveness is first and foremost for your own well-being, your freedom, your dignity, your spiritual growth. It has nothing to do with licence or lack of accountability or “cheap grace” offered to whomever has hurt or offended you. Your dignity, your well-being, your generosity and spirituality is your business. Mind it. It’s worth it.

The power to be generous of spirit (and of wallet) lives within you, comes with the human package. Unlock it, free it, and you unlock and free your own spirit and ready it to soar. Your wealth is reflected in what you give, not what you store. Your wealth lies in whom you empower, not the power you may feel when glancing your bottom line. 

Ragesdale Art

To birth-moms* and birth-dads* at Christmas

DEFINITION*

Women and men who chose, (or opted, or had no option), who loved so much, were so amazingly overwhelmed, desperate, whatever your circumstances, who, out of love or desperation made a way. You made a way for your infant son or daughter, or older child to be adopted by people or a person about whom you knew very little or nothing at all. . 

MY MESSAGE

I see you, women and men, you must find yourselves thinking about the babies. The toddlers. The boys or girls (whatever age they are now – from a few days old to men or women of advanced age. I know you are thinking about that child. Thinking about his or her well-being. And whereabouts. You probably find yourself asking yourself questions that are coming at you from many directions, all at once.

I see you today, these days around Christmas, these “special” days. 

Did I do the right thing? Does she resent me now? What does he know? What do they tell her? Do I even cross her mind at Christmas? Does he long to know what I am like? Does he even know I exist? 

I can’t speak for anyone but for myself and about my observations regarding my sons: 

You are seldom far from my thoughts and our thoughts. We’ve talked about this a lot and we are filled with deep gratitude. We do not take what we have lightly: we have each other, we have time, we have laughter, freedom, fun. And we have tears and struggles and wounds and scars and stories of successes and failures.

But, none of it would be ours were it not for you.

Thank you, especially at this time of the year. Thank you. 

An Adoptive Dad