Fundamentals if you want change:

Focus on your responses, reactions, attitudes, and thoughts, in all of your many spheres of influence. Do this before you attempt to escape responsibility for your contribution to whatever dilemmas you face by aiming your energies and focussing on what others may or may not be doing or thinking. It all begins with you, for you. It all begins with me, for me. If and when we, you and I, become experts in our own behaviors and attitudes and reactions we will no longer need to worry about what others are doing or not doing. This is an essential shift for all who no longer want to be victims or regard themselves as victims. Victim living multiplies victims. 

Unearth within you your list of unresolved grievances, the things that happened to you that you cannot, or choose not, to forgive. I do not believe that forgiveness is easy or always possible. I do know that it is a remarkably freeing moment – and there can be many continuous moments – when decisions are made to forgive. This does not mean you have to be friends with someone who has hurt you or deceived you but it does mean you have found your peace in spite of what may have happened to you. Forgiving primarily benefits the forgiver, not the forgiven.

Taking charge of your own behavior 

If you know your mother or father of advanced age longs for your calls or your texts or your visits and you are an adult, make a decision to meet your parents’ needs as best as you are able. Define to your parents how often you are likely to call or text or drop in so your parents are not anxiously awaiting contact with you and then keep your word as best as you are able. This is how responsible and loving adults behave.

If you know your drinking and driving increases the anxiety in your family and you are an adult, then it is time to grow up and do the right thing. Why would you knowingly cause the people you love the most and who love you to be anxious? Find ways to enjoy yourself without endangering others and yourself. This is how responsible adults behave.

If you know your foul language and your angry explosive temper and the rage you display in public places or while you are watching your children play sport embarrasses your children then get some help with your anger issues. This is how responsible adults behave. They reduce the negative impact of their own behavior as much as possible because that is the loving thing to do.