Respect the grieving
The power of grief should never be downplayed or underestimated. Severe loss can leave a person in a state of shock for years and he or she may never recover if recovery means returning to the way things were before the loss.
• It is unwise to suggest a person move on, get over it, or has had enough time to grieve.
• Listening is useful and helpful and can provide tremendous support even if very few words are exchanged.
• Time passed does not equal grief diminished. A loss endured years ago can seem to rise up out of nowhere and hit a person afresh as if the event just occurred. It is as if grief is time-locked, living within the griever, and has a life and power of its own.
• A person who has grieved for years is probably an expert at understanding the grief process. Understanding does not mean the griever is on top of it. Insight and understanding do not equate to completion or the diminishing of the power of loss.
• Attempts at logic do not usually provide comfort. Grief escapes and logic.
• The “experienced” griever (who wants that title?) will often develop the ability to detect inner-rhythms of grief and know which days will be better than others.
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