You may recall as a child being seated in a car at the beachfront and you happily turned the steering wheel in the belief you were driving. The car was on rails. Your efforts, while fun, were wasted. No connection existed between your efforts and the car’s direction. The rails determined the direction.
Your parents trusted and understood the rail and how it all worked and that’s why they were happy to strap you in and let you go.
Families, immediate and extended, are much the same. It is almost a perfect picture of the power families have over the individual, just ask Harry and Megan!
While most of us are not battling a thousand years of history and the deeply held traditions of royalty, we are all steering wildly only to discover there is little or no connection between our efforts and the direction our individual lives and the life of our family is taking.
Families are powerful institutions that resist change and will even hold others in the family back if they desire too much change.
Escaping to New Zealand won’t do it either.
Does this mean we are doomed by our dysfunctional family’s history?
No, if you see and understand it, know how to work with it.
Yes, if you deny it, ignore it, or think it is not so.
difficultrelationships.com 
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