Archive for June 1st, 2020

June 1, 2020

When is a relationship not a relationship?

by Rod Smith

The Mercury – Tuesday

When is a relationship not a relationship?

When the relationship feels like a game of chess and you have to constantly think ahead to outsmart your opponent – or be outsmarted.

When it’s conditional and the conditions include a list of whom you may or may not phone, text, or meet.

When what you choose to wear (clothing or makeup) becomes a source of friction, even violence.

When it involves dominance or control and your natural resistance to being controlled or dominated results in conflict and your commitment and your love is therefore obsessively questioned.

When your whereabouts and your activities are monitored and you are expected to account for the use of your time, money, and mileage.

When you have to lie about visiting your family or your friends or have to deny that you crave spending time with others on the “outside” of the “relationship.”

When he or she just happens to show up wherever you are unexpectedly – and your degree of joy and surprise is evaluated, but what is actually happening is your ability to be trusted is being assessed.

When you have to anticipate your partner’s needs, read his or her mind, anticipate his or her moods, and respond in a manner that makes him or her happy or feel loved.

When no matter how much you try to love, forgive, have fun, be serious, be carefree, be intimate, be unconditional in your love – it is NEVER enough.