Archive for August 21st, 2019

August 21, 2019

It all begins at home……..

by Rod Smith

Emotional wellness and health, like charity, starts at home. 

Wellness, or the lack of it, is always most evident with immediate and extended families. 

Our families see and experience the best and the worst of us. They have our triggers, our hot buttons, our passwords. They know much of our histories, they can get under our skin. It is within the family that most of us are faced with most of our most challenging emotional work. 

When we get to work on growing and become empowered within our families, our health usually permeates to all areas of our lives.

If you are sufficiently brave:

Approach family members with whom you have conflict. Do you part in making amends. The resistance you feel as you read this, if you feel any at all, is evidence of the need for issues to be addressed. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict even if you think you were not the problem. The healthier person is the one who initiates.

This suggestion does not apply to people who have cut themselves off from family for reasons of self protection. When any form of abuse or cruelty has occurred within a family it is never the victim’s fault and nor ought the victim be expected to seek amends.

August 21, 2019

Identifying highly functional people

by Rod Smith

Highly functioning people may not be the people with the highest salaries, the most prestigious titles, or posses the most social clout. They are people of all ages who:

  • Are able to be with their parents without becoming reactive, shutting down, or regressing into childhood mannerisms. They are able to be with their elderly or needy parents without becoming patronizing or authoritarian. They are able to discuss care for elderly parents with adult siblings without becoming reactive, vindictive, or childish.     
  • Are able to hold their own with all people without resorting to judgements, insults, or stereotypes.
  • Resist group pressures  – group-thinking, group-feeling, group-fleeing, group-seeing – and are able to think (and see, and decide) for themselves when in a crowd, especially when the crowd is family. 
  • Have the courage to speak up to authority when it’s necessary with calmness, politeness, and reason. At the same time they do not attempt to reason with the unreasonable.
  • Take responsibility for their actions, debts, conflicts, and do their part in finding solutions to the dilemmas and difficulties they face. They don’t blame anyone or anything for their problems and dilemmas.
  • Resist the pressure to over-function (do for others what they are fully capable of doing for themselves – polite favors and niceties excluded) and under-function (expect others to do for them what they are fully capable of doing for themselves) especially when it comes to immediate family.   

It is with family, extended and immediate, that our emotional health issues are usually most successfully triggered. It is within the family that most of us are faced with most of our work. Get it growing and right in our families and our health usually permeates to all areas of our lives.