A few ways (sigh of relief here) you can detect your teenager is growing up into a respectable person. All the points apply to both genders:

• The parent hears frequent use of “please” and “thank you” from the teen even if the words are not specifically aimed at the parent.
• Unsolicited gratitude is expressed and there’s no sign (or at least that you can detect) of manipulation at play.
• Showering and all acts of personal hygiene happen without the parents having to insist they occur.
• Dirty clothes are acknowledged as such rather than worn again and again in perfect denial of their foul state.
• Homework and school assignments are tackled and completed without complaint and without a parent’s involvement and without cutting and pasting answers off enabling websites.
• The use of electronic devices and games require no external parental monitoring – it’s become an inside job.
• However it’s happening (online, on paper, or in the head) a calendar is kept and he or she is remembering commitments and showing up for them.
• Sentences like, “I’ve got to get a really early night tonight because tomorrow is going to be a long and demanding academic day” and he or she goes to bed early.

(Hope is eternal! – my sons are now 16 and 20)

Surround yourself with healthy people by being as healthy as possible yourself.

Here are signs you with healthy people:

• They don’t get sucked in or sidetracked by other people’s issues.
• They know the limits of their skills and talents and they don’t volunteer or get involved with things just to appear nice or helpful.
• They build friendships slowly, really slowly.
• When you are with them you always have more choices than you thought possible and you always feel a greater sense of freedom.
• They are ambitious and have goals and sacrifice as necessary to achieve their goals.
• They are close to their families but not trapped by the closeness.
• They honor their parents, but, as adults, they know they are not expected to obey their parents.
• They are kind to people who appear to be able to offer them nothing or little in return.
• They are always kind to people who wait on them and serve them in any manner.
• They avoid making heroes or victims out of anyone.
• They focus on their own behavior and not the behavior of others.
• They have zero desire to control the behaviors of others.
• They are generous with their time, talents, and resources.

If you want a strong week ahead here are some simple (not easy) things you can do right away:

Take a few minutes right now and, using the old fashioned way with a pencil and paper, write three or four ways you will know this has been a good week. Be sure to write about yourself and your behavior, not about others and their behavior. You are the only one over whom you have some semblance of control.

Get a pocket-sized notecard and on one side write, in red, four things during the coming week, you won’t do, things that usually develop into regret. On the reverse side, and in blue, write four things you will do.

For me the “red side” are things like, “Don’t agree to activities or favors, or events just to be nice” and “Take 24-hours to think about things before you make an important decision” and “Don’t provoke sons when you already know (and they already know) they are in the wrong.”

The blue side is “Speak up for yourself and the family even if what you say may be unpopular” and “Forgive even if the other person neither requests it or deserves it” and “Look to reconcile and to love more than trying to be right.”