To the daughter from yesterday’s column;

by Rod Smith

• You have taken on a role that’s not yours to take on. This is one of the reasons you will often read that people should resist making big decisions after a traumatic experience. You can comfort and support and love your mother without having to live near her or become her companion. Try to avoid caring too much. Yes, it is possible. You are “caring too much” if your caring for someone else consumes you.

• Your son, and not your mother, is your primary commitment. You will be better equipped to love and care for your mother when you re-align your priorities. It’s care first for yourself, then for your son, then for you mother. If you don’t take appropriate care of yourself you will not be able to care for anyone.  While you are attempting to rescue your mother you will be unable to care for your son in a healthy manner.

• Your mother (and you) will take years to be fully functional again. The ending of a fifty-year marriage will require much grief and understanding among all the members of your family. It is not surprising there are some boundary confusions at this stage of her journey. Adjust them now before they become even more entrenched and solidified

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