Control and its counter…..

by Rod Smith

The Mercury / Wednesday 
Subtle (and gross) but very common attempts at control…

• Backseat driving – my way is the best way, no one knows the city like I do and you’re not as safe a driver as I am.

• Reframing reality – you don’t really feel lonely, you are not unhappy, you’re not hungry since you have just eaten.

• Withholding attention or affection – I am going to wait and see how you respond or how long it takes for you to beg for my attention.

• You MUST understand my point of view – I will not tolerate disagreement and we cannot be in a relationship unless we are of one (my) mind.

The counter offer of freedom and respect:

• As the passenger on your car I trust you completely – there are many ways to reach a destination

• Affirming your reality – I understand that we are completely separate people with unique experiences and interpretations of almost everything.

• Offering support and affection appropriate to the relationship – I am here when you need me; my attention and affection is what I freely offer.

• Your point of view may be different from mine – there is enough room in the world for us to think and believe differently, and remain friends.

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