“I read your column today on moving on (quickly) after death. Whilst I sympathise with this family who are still grieving they need to remember that they started mourning the loss of their loved one when she recently died. The husband, on the other hand, started his mourning when they got the diagnosis of his wife’s ‘long illness.’ So he is much further along the path of healing. No one knows what intimate conversations took place whilst he and his wife, side by side, endured her long illness. After 40 years of marriage he has proved his love and loyalty. I have told my husband that should I die before him my dearest wish is that he will move on as soon as he can and find happiness and companionship with someone else. I can’t bear the thought of him all alone and sad.”

You are a very healthy woman and I thank you for your insights. You affirm an idea or an insight that I have frequently had when faced with this reasonably common scenario. A good marriage can become a platform of empowerment after the loss of a partner. Your selflessness shows, you want your husband’s happiness even if you are not the one enjoying it with him.