Married daughter lives with mother and husband visits on the weekend…

by Rod Smith

“I have a daughter who is married but lives with me. Her husband comes on weekends and takes her out. He does nothing else for her. In four years of marriage she lived with him for only about 3 months. He said he made a mistake. I have tried to stop her going with him but my sisters say she should be allowed to go out with him otherwise she get depressed. She is quiet reserved and has no friends. She waits for Saturdays. She gets happy and bubbly. She loves to be at home and loves to cook. She is not ambitious. I tried telling her in the past that she should divorce him and get on with her life and improve herself. I can’t tell her to leave home because she is not working and is on disability. What can I say or do to give her a wake up call?” (Minimal edits)

Your daughter and her husband have found the perfect accomplice in you. What incentive is there for change to occur? Your mothering days are long-gone and yet you (understandably — I think!) provide a safe place for your daughter. Earlier accommodations on your part have created the way your family functions. Nothing will change until you do.

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