I am in love with a co-worker and my husband…..

by Rod Smith

“I don’t know what to do. I fell in love with a coworker before he married, but it wasn’t until after he got married that we began our relationship. He said he loves me more than (he loves) his wife and that he regrets not being able to love me the way he loves me now. He regrets being married. I love him too. I am also married. He said he doesn’t love his wife, that he wants to be with me. I love my husband and this other guy! I broke up with my affair many times, but he keeps calling me. He he treats me so nicely. He is so sweet, nice, he cares, he is awesome. My husband has never treated me so well! I love my husband. I’ve been with him 11 years. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my husband neither or his wife which is why I have ended this so many times. We always end up back together.” (Letter edited)

Rod’s Response: It appears your husband treats you better than you treat him. Your confusion will not cease while you cheat. I’d suggest you take responsibility for yourself and your marriage. Your flagrant infidelity makes mockery of both marriages.

5 Comments to “I am in love with a co-worker and my husband…..”

  1. Affairs with co-workers are often born out of a common link and the ability to communicate with each other in a way that you feel is missing from your marriage. You feel that you are better able to communicate with each other than with your spouses. Why is this? One reason is because you have work in common, that’s 40 hours a week that builds a common thread. You also have the luxury of not haveing to talk about the daily responsibilities of life, i.e. the car that needs fixed, the mortgage, how are we going to pay the bills, etc. A full time relationship has many more dynamics then a part time relationship. I would also suspect that you enjoy the romance of the relationship with your co-worker.

    I suggest that you take the energy that you are placing into the relationship with your co-worker and bring that energy back to your marriage. Open up the communicaiton, treat your husband like a new love. Rememeber what it was that first brought you and your husband together. Focus on all of the good things in your relationship with your husband.
    We all view things through filters. Ask yourself, what filter are you viewing your marriage through and how does that filter compare to the one you view your relationship with your co-worker through. Change the filter that you view your marriage through and you can experience a fresh, romantic, open communication type of relationship that you desire!
    As Rod said, quit cheating, because in the end you are cheating yourself, your husband, your co-worker and his wife. Once you commit to ending the co-worker relationship you will be able to commit to a loving committed relationship with your husband.

  2. What happens when the co-workers break up a marriage and hurt children. Its been a year and they are still together. Does that mean it worked out between these co-workers? My ex-husband believed he was in love with her after 2 months of leaving his family. How does one explain that bizzare behavior?

  3. You need to list everything that can go wrong with this situation and meditate on it. Nothing good will come of this.

  4. you know if i where you. you have to focus your attention to your husband beacuse true realtionship measure in how much long you know each other. think, almost 11 years you and your husband shared deffirent thing together but this coworkerthat you lave as you said. it just a new man. so, it takes time for you to know him better but dont do that. dump him. love your family and husband. take a date with your husband watch movie together just like what you do when you and your husband do in your first meet. see that exciting ins’s it. remembering those thing in the past.

  5. i am in the SAME situation. although, my work love isn’t going to leave his wife, he has told me that…. its difficult, but i keep breaking it off, and he keeps reeling me in.

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