Archive for April 19th, 2023

April 19, 2023

Reader requests marketing handout

by Rod Smith

A mental health professional in South Africa requests an “old” column for his marketing kit……. what a joy to share this:

Therapy is most helpful when….

  1. It is self-initiated and no one is “sending” you to therapy.
  2. You are motivated to see change in your life and understand that it could mean an increase in your discomfort and some disruption to your relationships.
  3. You are willing to recognize your sacred cows even if you are initially unwilling to lead them to the slaughterhouse.
  4. You read widely about ordinary people who have done extraordinary things with their lives.
  5. You are willing to see the fruitlessness of blaming others (parents, boss, your ex, the economy, and politicians) for what you are facing.
  6. You are willing to shift your focus off the behavior of others and be fully responsible for your own behavior.
  7. You are willing to understand that others can only entangle (trap, manipulate, bother) you to the degree you allow.
  8. You understand your therapist is a person just like you – but for his or her training. Elevating your therapist will prove to be unhelpful to you and it will obstruct the very process you wish to assist you.
  9. You understand that all desired and healthy growth requires some loss, pain, and grief.
  10. Your goal is to grow up and to fully live your own life – no matter what your age.
April 19, 2023

South Harlem

by Rod Smith

“You are free to go,” the nurse said as she unswaddled the newborn Thulani, freed his arm, and with a snip of scissors removed the security bracelet off his wrist.

I took those words to heart, perhaps far beyond the meaning the nurse intended.

Now, 25 years later, in a few days I will attach a Uhaul to our car and T and I will head to South Harlem in New York City. We will unload all his possessions and move them into his apartment and I will head back to Nate and we will all three grow accustomed to the new constitution of our family.

The years have been fabulous and the years have been tough. The years have been dramatically beautiful and frequently brutal.

Thanks be to God.

Grace upon grace.

If you have known Thulani all of his life (perhaps you were at the house when he came home to “215”) or if you know him through Tabernacle Presbyterian Church, Saint Richard’s Episcopal School, Herron High School, or Butler, please send him a goodbye greeting in the comments beneath this posting – or via any other way you may already have to reach him.

Time does not permit the farewell party I really wanted for him but if you’d like to send him a gift it would be really appreciated.

I’d suggest you Venmo or CashApp me – the address is the same for both: “RodSmith9802” and in so doing buy him a meal or two or three to help him during his first few months in NYC.

I am deeply indebted to two men from Tab who went to NYC years ago and who have both provided Thulani with invaluable guidance as he makes this brave move – thank you, you know who you are.

I am further and deeply indebted to all who have helped and played parts in Thulani and Nate (Nate will be 21 in May) becoming the fine men they have become.

I hope I can hold onto myself when the I hug T on the South Harlem sidewalk and whisper, “You are free to go” into his ear and then set my GPS and head for Indy.”