A reader asks why I so often write “stay out of control.” Am I endorsing chaos?
I am hearity amused. Chaos is the last thing I want. I have spent a career listening to women (mostly) and men (often) describe how they have confused trust and love with manipulation and submission.
“I trusted him because he said he loved me and he said a man is the ‘spiritual leader’ of the woman.”
Such statements usually precede horrific stories of stalking, jealousy, and determining how she should dress, who she cannot spend time with, and which of her families she may not see.That is the kind of control I want people to “stay out of.”While my illustration is extreme (although not unusual) my suggestion is that all reasonably sane adults manage their own lives all the time. Why not? Why surrender God-given autonomy to anyone ever, I don’t care who they are or how much love is purported to be involved. Love never robs others of their autonomy. Not ever. If you take responsibility for your adult life, make your own decisions about your life you will authentically be in a position to deeply love and unreservedly trust to the fullest extent of your choosing and stay out of control.
If you have a better definition of adulthood and selflessness I would love to hear it.
difficultrelationships.com 
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