• To be kind and patient today no matter what. Being kind and patient is about who and what you are and not about external factors or pressures.

• To affirm the people who help and serve you today even if the help and the service is imperfect and even if things do not go your way. Affirmation and appreciation are expressions of the heart in perfect or imperfect circumstances.

• To mail something encouraging to an old friend or relative. The impact of a kind note arriving in the mail ought not be underestimated. Three to five minutes of your time can give another extended, memorable pleasure.

• To apologize if and when you are wrong. Put things right as efficiently as possible. Keeping short accounts helps for transparency in all relationships, not just the one where an apology may be necessary.

• To monitor your own behavior and so protect your integrity and the integrity of your family, your faith, and your profession. As unfair as it may seem, people do use a broad brush when it comes to judgement. Like it or not, your behavior represents your family, your faith, and your career.

*as always, this is a note to self as much as it may be to you.

The Mercury – Tuesday

When is a relationship not a relationship?

When the relationship feels like a game of chess and you have to constantly think ahead to outsmart your opponent – or be outsmarted.

When it’s conditional and the conditions include a list of whom you may or may not phone, text, or meet.

When what you choose to wear (clothing or makeup) becomes a source of friction, even violence.

When it involves dominance or control and your natural resistance to being controlled or dominated results in conflict and your commitment and your love is therefore obsessively questioned.

When your whereabouts and your activities are monitored and you are expected to account for the use of your time, money, and mileage.

When you have to lie about visiting your family or your friends or have to deny that you crave spending time with others on the “outside” of the “relationship.”

When he or she just happens to show up wherever you are unexpectedly – and your degree of joy and surprise is evaluated, but what is actually happening is your ability to be trusted is being assessed.

When you have to anticipate your partner’s needs, read his or her mind, anticipate his or her moods, and respond in a manner that makes him or her happy or feel loved.

When no matter how much you try to love, forgive, have fun, be serious, be carefree, be intimate, be unconditional in your love – it is NEVER enough.