Archive for July 4th, 2018

July 4, 2018

What are you planning?

by Rod Smith

Are you planning to get a great education? Do you want to travel the world? Perhaps you want to land a great job or buy a house. Are you planning, actively planning, these things?

You do know, I am sure, they won’t happen without you.

They won’t happen without the development of a blueprint.

Unless you sit down, plot, assess what you will need for the journey and what you will need to sacrifice in the immediate in return for what you want in the future, the future will be here before you know it and none of your plans will have come to fruition.

The upside of planning is that even if your plans don’t all work out as you’d hoped, something close or something better may greet you in the future.

The results of having no plan at all, or thinking and believing things will just happen or fall into place is that they usually don’t.

The default, that which will happen if you just go with the flow, which will always take the path of least resistance, will be a journey to a place of inertia, laziness, and a life of regret. 

Get planning, it’s worth it.

July 4, 2018

Connecting with Family, continued

by Rod Smith

Whenever I write about the necessity and benefits of pursuing a deeper connection with family of origin, several readers will push back.

“I am willing, my sister won’t respond,” or, “you don’t know my brother’s wife,” or, “you’re crazy; I am not going back to the people who hurt me so badly, just to get hurt again.”

As noted yesterday there are unusual, even dangerous exceptions, where initiating such reconnections would be unadvisable, even dangerous. These include contexts where enduring cruelty, severe and intentional abandonment, sexual and other forms of physical violence were part of a family history.

While reconnection is possible under such conditions, (grace always abounds), it is not necessary, and recommended without professional guidance. There’s nothing to be gained in walking back into open, festering childhood wounds. It’s the naive counselor or pastor (and some do) who promotes, even demands it.

The above circumstances noted and honored, there remains great benefit in the willingness, the openness to engage with the sister who won’t respond and that brother’s wife and even the people who hurt you so badly.

The anxiety you feel as you imagine such intentional reconnection is the gravitational force (is the anvil, the crucible – choose your metaphor) I am taking about. Your openness, willingness to engage and embrace will stimulate your growth. Your greater health pivots on your willingness, not the openness, or cooperation, or even availability of others.