Groundwork for desired change

by Rod Smith

If you really want some change in your family then here are some counter-intuitive ways to set positive change in motion:
 

  • Shift your focus away from those whom you wish to change, or to be different, or to be more “open” or obedient, onto your own responses to these very people.
  • Become an expert in your own behavior. While you are caught up in what they are doing or are not doing you will be blinded to your own behavior and your contribution to what’s happening among you.
  • Make a radical attempt to unearth your family history – the secrets, unresolved issues, cut-offs, addictions, and the bonds and binds. This can always be done with kindness. Asking questions about your own life and your own family is absolutely appropriate. Such unearthing may initially spike anxiety but it will bring your long-term understanding and relief and make you a stronger and more defined person to live with.
  • Do whatever is necessary to reach and connect with your parents – if they are deceased then work with finding out as much as you can about them. No one can be enduringly emotionally well and be a positive influence on their current family while he or she harbors unresolved issues with his or her parents. 

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