I am married to an emotionally abusive man…

by Rod Smith

k-is-for-knee-jerk“I am in constant coming under emotional abuse. I wished I could get out of this 27-years of unhappy marriage. I stayed for the children. I feel I am living with a manipulative husband who has a negative effect on me. In front of other people he may look as an angel. I think only the a wife that stays with him all hours of a day can know the reality of such personality. Please help.”

dsc_0642Your husband’s success at manipulation and your continued cooperation go hand-in-hand. Once you change things, the marriage might not survive. Manipulative men usually run from real women!

You are crucial to initiating the change you desire.

1. Gather community: start secretly, if you must, to talk to a small group of trusted friends about what is really occurring.
2. Read widely: study books by men and women who have “been there” and learn from what they have done.
3. Make three “small” decisions, like, “I will never again lie for him, have sex I do not want, or make him look good if he is not.”

“Smaller” successes will empower you to stronger steps. He will become more manipulative as he sees he is losing control. You will become bolder and stronger until you are no longer cooperating with his unhealthy ways.

2 Comments to “I am married to an emotionally abusive man…”

  1. This is incredible advice, thank you so much for sharing it with others…my own “in real life” recent history can certainly attest to the validity of your words. I eventually was able to tell my husband that if he insisted on swearing, yelling, etc. at me that either he needed to go sleep on his boat (in a marina, it was summer) or myself and my two little girls would go sleep at my parent’s guest house.

    And the stronger I became, the less he wanted anything to do with me. Stronger as in quiet, confident strength, stronger as in reclaiming the me I’d lost with him. And you know, it didn’t take long for him to just stay at his boat by choice, you’re right…without the control, he had no use for me.

    Which is both heartbreaking, yet liberating at he sametime. The best part of all is…thinking of the future and feeling hope and even excitement over what is to come.

    Small steps, definitely….heal yourself, love yourself, don’t try to fix some silly “co-dependent” issue or whatever…just start taking those steps towards believing in you again.

  2. I was/am still married to a very angry and emotionally abusive man that feels I am not worthy of a reasonable settlement. We have been separated for three and a half years waiting for the high court to give a date to battle this out. He has just stopped paying a small policy of mine and, because he was the payer, by law they will send him the payout despite it being in my name. I have exhausted every avenue to get the upturned without success. Through it all he still swears, curses, and belittles me, which I thought would come to an end when I left him. What can I legally do to stop this because he just ignores the law and letters from the lawyer telling him to stop. I am a woman and as much as I pray and try to shut it out, it has an effect on me. We have a son so I need to keep in touch about his welfare; what happens at school, for which he never responds.
    Please withhold my name should this go to the paper.

    Many thanks

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