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Husband and wife disagree over daughter’s (15) relationship…..

by Rod Smith

My husband and I have an awful wedge between us over our daughter (15). She has been involved in a relationship with a young man (17) for 18 months. My husband has never truly been in favor of the relationship but because of his inconsistent involvement with our daughter’s upbringing he sometimes accepts it. I am more accepting. We disagree about her staying at his home, which has been happening on a regular basis for 10 months. I have no problem but my husband is totally against it. I know, and like, the boy and his extended family. They have high standards. Both young people have assured me that they are not sexually active. My daughter pleads with me to trust her. (Letter edited)

Response: Your daughter is too young for such an intense relationship but it is unlikely, after permitting it for 10 months, you will be able to stop it. I think, and I am often wrong, it somewhat naive to think there is no sexual activity between these children.

Agree on what both parents would prefer. Inform her. If she is worth trusting, and is sufficiently mature for such an intense relationship, she will opt for what her parents prefer.

Your husband’s inconsistency does not disqualify him from having authority.

Posted on August 29, 2006 at 7:06 pm in Boundaries, Communication, Teenagers   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

2 Comments to “Husband and wife disagree over daughter’s (15) relationship…..”

    
  1. bluedragonfly's avatar
    bluedragonfly
    August 29, 2006 at 9:43 pm

    If I were that 15-year-old girl even being as mature as I was at 15, I must say that I would not ‘opt for what my parents preferred’ if they had allowed me to act a certain way for an extended period of time and then essentially tried to implement a new rule negating that. Also, while it’s true that although this woman’s husband should still have some authority, it would be stronger if he was consistent with his involvement in his daughter’s life. Were I his daughter, I would be less willing to listen to that authority. Although 15 is a young age to be sexually active, it’s not abnormally young by US teenager standards and it sounds like her choice of partner is not a bad one. I would imagine that it would be a good idea for her parents to discuss positive sexual relationships and birth control with their daughter — regardless of whether they want her to be sexually active, it’s possible that she already is, so she should at least be educated in the subject.

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  2. .'s avatar
    heavenandheck
    August 30, 2006 at 12:15 pm

    Another concern is that the boy will be over 18 soon and she is underage. If this girl isn’t careful her parents could slap a heavy statutory rape charge on this boy!

    Reply
    

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