Reader: “Thanks for your reply about my friend’s son living and ‘doing drugs’ in the UK (8 August). My son says the young man concerned is very thin, and his nose is inflamed and is using cocaine. If I were this mother I would like to know but the mother is a long way from her adult son and I wouldn’t like her to spend sleepless nights worrying. My son asked me not to tell her. He doesn’t want to be the ‘tell tale’ so I’m having sleepless nights worrying about my friend’s son and about where my loyalties lie? (Edited for space)
Rod’s Reply: This is a giant toxic triangle and example of how anxiety spreads. The “wrong” person (the powerless) is anxious, and it seems no one is addressing the man himself. I’d suggest you tell the mother she’d be wise to contact her son regarding his health. Accuse him of nothing.
Tell her what you’ve heard about his weight loss and his nose. Invite her to contact your adult son for more information. Your adult son ought not have the privilege of spreading anxiety, only to then avoid his integral role in order to avoid being called a “tell-tale.” This is a tale worth telling. Cocaine is not child’s play!
difficultrelationships.com 