“I found graphic pornography in my fifteen-year-old son’s bedroom. My husband and I want to handle this in a positive way. We have never been open to talking to him about sex.”
Together, as husband and wife, tell your son that you have found pornography in his room. Gently, and with kindness, tell him that you cannot perpetually monitor what he reads and that his reading material is something he himself will have to control.
Discussing pornography, and teaching your son healthy attitudes about sex, have nothing in common. Pornography is about lust, conquest, depersonalizing of people, runaway imaginations. It has nothing to do with love. Tell him you do not endorse pornography because it focuses on body parts, not people. It separates people from their bodies and makes people into objects in the mind of the user. Healthy sexuality, at minimum, is about love, respect, mutuality and equality.
Teach your son (as a couple) using discussions, books and videos, everything you want him to know about healthy human sexuality. Get over your hurdles about having such discussions. I am often amazed that parents will go to enormous effort to plan their approach to parenting, and yet miss talking about matters of human sexuality altogether!
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