Archive for ‘Education’

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September 3, 2023

Richard’s confusing discovery

by Rod Smith

Richard McChurch was very aware that God’s a communicating God. The still small voice or the thunderous call, and anything in between, (whichever God might choose to use at a given time) was not something to which he often laid claim. When Richard felt God had spoken to him, he was always particular about inserting the words “I believe God spoke to me.” This not only gave him room to be wrong but also the appearance of humility.

One day he had a very unsettling experience. It was as if everything he had ever believed about hearing God’s voice was turned upside down. 

“What do you really want, Richard?” God asked when Richard was very earnestly praying about a few major decisions.

The question was posed long and hard. It lodged somewhere deep in Richard. There were no voices, no unusual feelings. This was a “matter-of-fact God” meeting him, as if face-to-face. There was no mistaking who it was as far as Richard was concerned.

“Go on, figure it out Richard. What do you really want?” he felt God say.

It was, pondered Richard, as if God was playfully saying, “Stop asking me what I want for you. I know what I want for you. I am God. I am not at all confused about what I want for you. What I require is that you get the courage to determine what you want for you. Do this, Richard, and we can do business.”

Richard was nervous. In his silent negotiations, random and scary thoughts began darting across his mind. It was very disconcerting.

Richard was full of questions“What if I want to break up my family, hurt someone? Steal something?” he questioned God.

“Is that what you really want? You want to go around hurting people? Do you really want to take what is not yours? Do you think damaging others is what you were cut out for?”

“No Lord.”

“Then quit the games, Richard.” 

He felt God’s persistent voice welling up inside him. 

“I am asking you to evaluate, for yourself, how you would most like to use your many talents. Take stock of the time you have left, the opportunities that come your way. You keep saying I will grant you ‘the desires of your heart’ Richard. But you know what? You wouldn’t recognize them if they jumped out at you from behind a bush. I am asking you to take the responsibility for your life. What inspires you, Richard? Develop a blueprint, Richard. Discover and know yourself, Richard. Present ME with a plan instead of continually asking me for my plan. Find my plan buried like treasure, in your strongest desires and longings. Grow up, in other words!”

Richard was shocked to hear God speak in this manner. He had always been taught that God had a plan for his life and for many years he had waited “in faith” for that plan to unfold. Now, it sounded, yes, it sounded as if God expected him to actually do something!

“That’s the problem!” God interrupted his confusion, “you want to give me the responsibility for your life when I want you to be responsible for your own life. You think my will is something deep and mysterious. It’s not. In fact my will for you is that you discover and do what you really want! Just make sure it is what you really want.”

Richard thought long and hard. He realized, to his horror that he really did not like his career. He’d chosen it purely for money and status. He realized that even his sports interests were built around promoting his career. He sat in stunned silence. Richard realized that if he honestly answered the question he was in trouble. 

“What I really want to do God, is so far from what I am doing that it will take a miracle from you to turn it around,” he said in desperation.

“No,” said God, “it will take one from you.”

Posted in Communication, Education, Faith | 1 Comment »

September 1, 2023

Is your dad a helicopter parent?

by Rod Smith

A parent of one of my son’s peers asked my son, then about 11, if I was a “helicopter” parent. 

For the uninitiated, this is a somewhat playful but can be demeaning term teachers may use for the “over-parenting” types teachers must often engage. 

It’s the hyper-vigilant, ever anxious, overly child-focussed parent whose entire life appears to hub around a child or children. It is the parent who is focussed almost solely on the child’s moods, grades, levels of content or discontent. It is the parent who sees parenting as a 24/7/365 forever-calling, and who, with the advent of a child or children, finally has something for which to live. 

“No, he’s more like a submarine,” he replied.

This response entertained me. It revealed an uncanny understanding of how I usually operate. This compliment still enriches me even though my parenting has ended. (I am still their dad but my sons are launched). 

When facing a challenge or an issue, I tend to circle the area, often undetected. I watch. I assess, get counsel. 

Then, I act. 

It may take a while.

What some may perceive as inaction — is not.

The submarine is scouting the territory, testing the tides, weighing options.

The sub is seeking objectivity, assessing an approach, trying to love, and timing the potential, if necessary, of one. or even several, strikes.

Early days

Posted in Boundaries, Children, Communication, Education, Faith, Family, Grace, Parenting/Children | 1 Comment »

August 31, 2023

Prayer upon rising…..

by Rod Smith

Prayer upon rising

May I…..

be a source of healing, not hurt or injury.

learn to be more patient and loving with the people closest to me.

value people more than things.

apologize sincerely and efficiently when I wrong others.

learn to respect and love myself without being self-indulgent, self-absorbed or self-centered.

be immovable about matters of personal integrity, yet flexible and understanding when others do not do what is right and good.

learn to switch off or ignore my phone when I am face-to-face with anyone.

listen more than I speak.

be generous.

consistently spend less than I earn.

learn to define myself, not others.

learn to hold my tongue when tempted to gossip.

have growing clarity about what is and what is not my business and the power to mind my own business.

keep my word.

learn to promote the strengths of others even if it means stepping aside so others may get ahead.

learn to live in the present and design a great future rather than dwell upon the way things were or could have been.

Let it be…….

A favorite picture of Thulani and me
A favorite photograph of Nate and me
And, well, one of ….. me

Posted in Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family | 1 Comment »

August 29, 2023

Richard McChurch — public witness

by Rod Smith

Richard McChurch always made a concerted effort to be a good public witness to the Gospel, the Church Universal, and the Legion of Invisible Witnesses – to whomever the book of Hebrews was referring – and the angels and archangels whenever he was in public.

“I might be the only Bible someone ever reads,” was something he often said. “I’ll be God with skin on,” was another. 

Even though it was sometimes a source of embarrassment to others, Richard always closed his eyes, held the hands of whomever he was sharing a meal, and prayed out loud, very specifically: “God bless the very food and bless the very hands that prepared it, Lord, and in the very name of Jesus.”

Richard held firmly to the belief that you could never know who was watching. You never know the possible consequence of a public display of gratitude with the rampant onslaught of secularism that was consuming the nation.

Richard seldom ate alone. Meals were opportunities. Meals were a very Biblical way to witness. 

One day Richard grabbed a quick meal at a fast food outlet near his office. While unwrapping his whopping triple-burger, burger — hold the cheese to reduce the calories — boldness overtook him and he decided to pray out loud even though he was dining alone.

“Almighty God,” he bellowed.

“Yes, Richard. You called My name,” said God.

“Well, I was just about to ask You to bless this food and to bless the very hands that prepared it.”

“Bless? Richard. What exactly do you mean? Would you like me to reduce the fat content so it won’t clog your arteries or would you like me to do a little divine angioplasty while you are eating? Bless? I mean look, Richard. You are doing the dietary equivalent of a free-fall off a high-rise building, and, and asking me to ‘bless’ your fall.”

“I get it, God. I think. Could you at least bless the hands that prepared it?”

“That’s up to you,” replied God.

“What do you mean?”

“Blessing others is up to you. That’s what I mean. Go to the counter and ‘bless’ the woman who served you. Take out your wallet. Give her all the money in it. That will ‘bless’ her.”

“God, You know sometimes You can be….”

“Yes. I know Richard. I can be so awfully practical, so downright unspiritual.”

“Are you making fun of me?” 

“No Richard, I am having fun with you. Now don’t change the subject…… go ahead and ‘bless’ that dear woman who helped you.”

Richard McChurch —- Always Available to Learn

Posted in Education, Faith, Grace, Leadership | 4 Comments »

August 27, 2023

Be careful who you talk to

by Rod Smith

Be careful who you talk to about the deeper things, personal matters, losses, that may be troubling you.

Some people are unsafe.*

Unsafe people are seldom intentionally unsafe or even aware they are.

People are unsafe as a product of their own unaddressed, unresolved, or unidentified traumas.

Your trauma, abandonment, your loss, whatever, ignites theirs. This is what makes them unsafe for things confidential. Your pain expressed rekindles theirs, rendering them less capable, not necessarily incapable, of hearing you.

Yes, it’s that simple.

The unsafe are so — not because they are fraudulent or deceptive— but because their lives feel, or are, unsafe. If you are observant, you’ll see their anxiety, you’ll experience their anxiety — which is probably not what you want at a time you are seeking understanding and perhaps comfort. Uncomfortable people cannot offer comfort. It’s not in them.

A person recently betrayed or abandoned or suffering loss is not better equipped as a result of the experience to listen to you when you face something similar. While said person remains angry or bitter or anxious or overwhelmed with grief they can be of little comfort or assistance to you.

This person will become safe(r) if and when he or she has achieved some objectivity about the experience and is able to see that his or her experience is as unique as yours is.

With “separation” from you and your experience will come greater safety.

It is at these points, points of progressive growth in objectivity, your unsafe person will be transformed into one who can handle your story, one who can identify and empathize without being drawn back into his or her “stuff” as painful as it surely has been.

While your sharing (divulging, unburdening, “downloading”) becomes about them and not you, you are in a less-safe environment.

Safe people listen.

Safe people listen without spilling (their lives into yours or your life into theirs). They are able, and this is crucial, to put themselves aside for the time it takes to listen to you.

Safe people don’t leak or cross-pollinate your information no matter how juicy or tempting it may be or how important it may make them feel to do so. Unsafe people feel rewarded or affirmed by knowing things others don’t know about you — while safe people seek no such affirmation.

Safe people don’t ask you questions simply to lead into what they really want to tell you about their own lives and their pain.

Safe people seldom have to tell you they are safe people. You already know who they are or you become aware of it soon after meeting them. Their non-anxious presence calms you.

Safe people keep it about you.

* I don’t necessarily mean unsafe people are dangerous. Talking with them about your life may not be helpful to you. That’s all.

Evening walk — Prague

Posted in Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Forgiveness | 1 Comment »

August 24, 2023

Lines

by Rod Smith

When I sat in a tree and dangled my legs they seemed longer and could reach anywhere.

Mine did.  

My legs could reach all the way to the ends of the earth. 

I would wander next door into the Halgreen’s yard and climb a tree – I had a favorite tree – and dangle my feet from my branch and I’d see lines, like lines on a map. They’d come out the ends of each of my toes and race at high speed all the way through the vast expanse of surrounding trees and then leave the Halgreen yard and go into all the world. Some ran aground on the rocks of the uneasy coast-lines and were lost in the aggressive ebb and flow of pounding waves off Cape Horn. Others staggered slowly, as if they were hot and tired and thirsty into  white-sand deserts and got buried and scorched, until they got a second breath and rose to the surface and burned like a firework fuse and continued their journey into the shifting haze of noon heat. 

When I sat in my tree pointing my toes through Africa and beyond — this way to the Cape and the South Pole, stretching and pointing behind myself, straining my neck and my leg muscles — and that way, behind me, to the Sahara and the North Pole — the world was mine. I was connected to it. I could point to the opposite ends of the earth at the same time with each foot while my warm and soft heels touched each other like companions linked for an exciting adventure. My lines raced over the cliffs and through rocks and, ran under the oceans, inter-continental telephone lines, delivering voices to distant countries and ran up beaches and criss-crossed places like England and North America and Iceland, all from the ends of my curved bare feet. 

My legs, locked at the knees, often became binoculars. I’d swing them higher and higher, searching Africa and the rest of the planet. One eye closed, using my big toes as view-finders, I could see to the end of our vast continent, deserts in the north, jungles in the middle, valleys in the south, beaches around the edges. Colors of bright days turned to night, vivid sunsets became hazy mornings and smells of foods and flowers and the sounds of music and voices rushed up my legs into my belly and from the insides of my being and warmed my heart. The Halgreen’s backyard forest gave me the continents and the continents danced in my heart. If I stood on the branch I could see all the way to our new brick house and, anytime I wanted, I could slip off the branch, leave my lines where they were and land on the rich, red and cool damp soil, and run home.

Still following the lines…..

Posted in Education, Faith, Friendship, Grace | 1 Comment »

August 23, 2023

Art

by Rod Smith

If you visit my home in small-town-USA I think you’ll be surprised by my art collection.

A local artist, and prolific one at that, seeing my framed prints – mostly European art – told me politely but pointedly that there is so much original local art that framing and hanging a print of anything is unnecessary.

I took that to heart. 

Overtime, through the wonders of the Internet, I have purchased several pieces of South African art – and in making the purchase have talked with the artists.

I love our large painting of the Berg’s Amphitheater by Peter VanHeereden which hangs in my counseling study. The living room has several Western Cape scenes and one large up close protea. A conversation starter and much loved piece is a painting of a woman with a sleeping baby tied to her back and a basket of fruit balance on her head. Each of these is by Western Cape artist Willem Onker. There are two breaking wave scenes by Pretoria’s Trevor Beach – who only paints waves!

It is all very beautiful and I love it all but our home screams one thing very loudly and very clearly: I miss living and being in South Africa.

Onker (left) and VanHeerden

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August 22, 2023

Gratitude’s Reward

by Rod Smith

A grateful heart will lift your spirit, shift your lens from what you think you lack or need, to recognition of all you do have and enjoy.

A grateful heart will lighten your load and offer you helpful objectivity.

A grateful heart will sharpen your vision to see the miracles in the immediate – like the shifts in seasons, the births of neighbors’ babies, the happiness you see in a child when she runs to be embraced by her daddy. 

A grateful heart will alleviate the necessity for sarcasm and cynicism as you find yourself expressing gratitude.

Gratitude will open your eyes to sunsets and sunrises in new ways, to regard each as an opportunity to be thankful for a good day ending and the arrival of fresh starts and new opportunities. 

Gratitude welcomes the noises and interruptions of children, even other people’s children,  and the elderly, even other people’s elderly, rather than considers both an irritation or interruption.

A grateful person is lavish with thank you-s and praise and enjoyment (in ways that are contagious) despite trying circumstances and, oddly, the gratitude has a way of rewarding those who spread it and rewards the grateful with even more for which to be grateful.

Nate’s first day home – May 2002

Posted in Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family | Leave a Comment »

August 20, 2023

Hopes for the week ahead (and beyond)…..

by Rod Smith

May you meet gentle and warm hearted people and be warm hearted and gentle toward yourself and towards others. There appears to be so much fury and anger and so many people living on edge. May you and I offer a counter experience and offer others a place of welcome and safety. In doing so we may not change the world or make a shift or dent in our immediate environments but we will lift and encourage the hearts of a few.

May you be firm in your decisions and be confident in your dealings with yourself and others. There is a vast difference between confidence and arrogance and, while they are often confused, may you and I have only confidence. Inner-confidence permits others to take a stand, for themselves. Confidence will assist you and me to live deliberately and avoid victim thinking. 

May you be generous and kind in a world that seems to promote selfishness, greed, indifference and even promote unkindness. This does not mean we have to give beyond our means or be un-thinking in our giving of time and resources. Wise giving of cash, talent, and time empowers others. Unwise giving of cash, talent and time will exhaust and deplete you and me.

Posted in Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace | 1 Comment »

August 15, 2023

I just want to be happy…..

by Rod Smith

“I just want to be happy.”

I hear it over and over again – usually with a little whine in the tone.

It’s often whimpered as if happiness is some sort of award or a condition that may descend upon a person who is in the right place at the right time.

Truth is, you have more of a chance of being struck by lightning than you have being struck by happiness.

Happiness has no victims. It’s a by-product. It grows out of purposeful living.

Happiness remains out of control – even to the rich and powerful.

You may have noticed its penchant for playing hide and seek with the rich and powerful.

It’s yours when you fight and win the good fight over trying to be happy. It’s yours when you engage purposes greater than yourself, your pleasures, and appetites. The road to happiness is often paved with difficulty, things you may think will never deliver any joy.

It hides from the lazy, the self-indulgent, the entitled, the spoiled, the whiner, but embraces those seeking justice and authenticity and doing what is good and right by others.

Ironically happiness often escapes the rich and makes its home with the poor, the humble.

Oddly, it’s one thing that doesn’t, “follow the money.”

Posted in Communication, Education, Family, Friendship, Grace | 2 Comments »

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