Emotional maturity is not age-determined.

I have seen it in 13-year-olds and missing in adults.

The member of the family who is empowered to grow and foster healthy change within a struggling family (or church or business or not-for-profit) will demonstrate some (not necessarily all) of these abilities.

There are popular tests to measure this quotient.

Here are the abilities I look for when dealing with families or groups in conflict.

• The capacity to switch lenses, to see the world, at least for a time, from another’s point of view. 
• The capacity to report what is heard, to be able to accurately report what is said even if the content are points of contention or disagreement.
• The capacity for objectivity, to be able to remove oneself and one’s interests, at least temporarily, in order to gain a bird’s eye view of what’s going on.
• The capacity to see the differences among “I” and “you” and “us” and be able to differentiate each person from his or her individual role and as a member of a group and therefore resist the natural urge to plunge into a boundary-less cloud of togetherness where individuality is threatened or lost.
• The capacity for playfulness and for healthy humor under almost all circumstances as even the most intense of circumstances are usually laced somewhere with elements of irony and humor.
• The capacity for kindness, even while under threat or attack (I know, I know, this is a tough one).

Posted on September 17, 2023 at 4:15 pm in Blended families, Boundaries, Children, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL