You think yourself into a new way of feeling. It is not the other way around.The head leads; feelings follow. But, I concede, when it comes to people, there are always exceptions to the rule. We are not machines. Nothing is simple when it comes to humanity.

We teach people how to treat us. What we accept, what we reject, how we compromise; how we stand firm or how we give in or turn a blind eye, sets in motion how others see and respect or do not respect us. I encourage you to play your part in modifying how others treat you. I suggest the pain this may involve is worth it.

In the same manner we can only love others to the degree we love ourselves, we also reject or inflict pain on others to the degree we do it to ourselves. Hurt people do indeed hurt people. Rejected people do indeed reject people. Self analysis is a powerful tool for change in the hands of people who are motivated. “Other-analysis” and blame and finger-pointing are the tools of the immature. “What’s my role in this?” and “How did I get myself into this?” are the questions a mature person asks.

You (we) are powerful over much. 

You (we) are powerless over much more. 

Knowing when, where, and how you are powerful, and when, where, and how you are powerless will save you a lot of energy, money, grief, and perhaps even add years to your life.  

You have power over:

• How much you allow others to influence you.
• The depths of forgiveness to operate as currency in your life – for others and self. 
• Who you trust and mistrust despite what others may do with your trust. 
• How much risk and adventure you are willing to embrace, how much you say “yes” and “let’s” or “no” and “let’s not.”
• The quality and effectiveness of your personal boundaries.

You are powerless over: 

• The choices other adults make even if you have been permitted to express your opinions over their choices.
• Anyone’s addiction to drugs, money, sex, gambling, work, pornography, whatever.
• The integrity of another to keep them faithful or honest or kind. 
• Relationships of which you are not a part – your child and his/her other parent, your spouse and his/her parents, your child and his/her partner.