The earlier people realize that life is a solo challenge, and this includes children, the greater the degree of health will potentially flow into a family. Despite all the love and support a loving family can provide, individuals who clearly see their own powerful and distinct role in creating their own success will better contribute to the overall health of the family.
People who are “in the same boat” (or see a committed relationship as a “bicycle built for two”) usually confuse embracing another’s anxiety, indulgent sympathy, and, empathy, with love. Their attachments (fusions, dependencies) become so inordinately inflexible that one person’s anxiety (or issues) results in debilitating the effectiveness of other family members. In other words, “If I am not making it, and if you love me, you will so strongly iddentify with me that you won’t make it either.”
Healthy people do not permit the anxiety of loved one to destabilize (overwhelm) their own wellbeing, but offer challenge to the anxious because they understand the value of strength over weakness. This does not mean they are untouched by the sufferings of those whom they love, but they are particularly aware that remaining distinct, remaining strong in the presence of problems is not only the wiser way to function, but it is the greater gift to the family and the larger community.
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