Reader Writes: I lost my husband earlier this year. He was murdered. Since the incident his family have been absolutely nasty. They saw me as “good” before. Now I am “bad.” My sister-in-law is very controlling. They want me to hire a private investigator to solve his murder. My husband was a man of peace and prayer. He would not want me to do that. She wants to take over the whole process. He was son and brother. I’m “just” a wife. They have really hurt me. His sister has turned his entire family against me. My children are young. I would do anything to protect them against any negative influences. The children have suffered enough without this. What do I do? (Letter edited)

There are no easy answers to the painful circumstances that your family, in-laws included, is facing. As you further grow in strength and insight, following this dreadful occurrence, and once a full year has passed, I trust you will be very clear regarding three broad principles: Your position as wife and mother is not determined by the emotional condition of your in-laws: the future, for the sake of your children, must not be driven by the devastation of the past, and, the understanding that anger, and, invasive control are often forms of understandable, but misguided grief.