“I have been married for twenty years. For the first years my husband was secretive and unfaithful. For the last ten years we became involved in a church and now my husband is a faithful man, thanks to the pastor and community who really loved us. Even though he has really changed at times I become afraid he might go back to his old ways. How will I know when I am healed and this process is complete?” (Letter edited)
Rod’s Response: When infidelity occurs, love can last much longer than trust, and, once defiled, trust is much harder to restore. Your letter reveals you understand an important key: trusting your husband is about you, as opposed to being about him.
Rather than wanting the process of rebuilding trust within yourself to be complete or healed, I’d suggest you regard it as an ongoing healing process that will have some ebbs and flows within you. As you have attested, there will be days when you are yet troubled by the past. Then there’ll be months when you can hardly remember the harder times. Healing (or trusting) is not a concrete state – it’s an ongoing condition of offering yourself, and your husband, much grace within the miracle of restoration you share.
difficultrelationships.com 