June 13, 2006
by Rod Smith
My wife and I have lots of fights because at parties and family occasions she flirts with all the men. And NEVER flirts with me. She says she is just being friendly. I cannot understand why she carries on doing something she knows I do not like. What should I do?
It sounds like your wife has a lot more fun at parties and family occasions than you do. I'd suggest you stay home. If her friendliness is so threatening to you she ought to go alone. There are several reasons she "carries on doing something she knows" you do not like: she likes it; it is innocent; she understands it is not a good idea for you to control how she has fun.
Perhaps, if you took your focus off your wife and relaxed a little, she would want to flirt with you. Jealousy is not very attractive. The sooner you realize that your jealousy is your problem and that it has nothing at all to do with her behavior, the sooner you will be over it.
Two things: 1. He (or she) who has the feeling (in this case jealousy) has the problem. 2. Love and control cannot coexist in the same relationship.
Posted in Affairs, Anger, Communication, Divorce, Domination, Love, Manipulation |
102 Comments »
June 13, 2006
by Rod Smith
To the father of the entitled teenager (17) who lives rather ungratefully under his parent’s generous roof?
You son is popular with others and therefore he has it within him to have a fulfilling child/parent relationship. At 17 he can enter a meaningful discussion about what’s bothering you. When addressing him, reflect on your experiences as the parent rather than on how unwise or ungrateful you perceive him to be.
It is not too late to refuse to do for him the things he appears to take for granted. Make such a stand understanding he is resourceful enough to get what he needs without you.
Be sure to establish what it is that you want before you try to correct his errant ways. If you really want a meaningful father/son relationship, first establish what that means to you.
“I’d like some time on a weekly basis to talk with you face-to-face,” is reasonable. “You are never home so you can go out once a month,” is probably unreasonable.
Do not fall for the lie that your son’s difficulties are somehow directly related to your failings. Your son is talented and young enough to make his own mistakes. The last thing he needs is a dad who feels responsible for his every error.
Posted in Adolescence, Children, Communication, Differentiation, Love, Reactivity, Space, Teenagers, Voice |
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